We always seem to want a reason. We want things to make sense and not leave us wondering. During a time when all the information you would ever need is a Google away, it seems that the answers to the big questions are farther away than ever. Or maybe we are so spoiled with finding out things quickly that we cannot handle the big questions with no answers.
My cousin recently died at 49 years of age, leaving a wife, two daughters and many extended family members. To young, to smart, to funny to die. No reason, just cancer. A very rapid, fast growing cancer that gave him less time with us on Earth. No explanation can satisfy the whys of it all.
My mom was diagnosed with Dermomycytosis a few weeks ago. A debilitating, possible chronic disease that has her very weak and at times in a lot of pain. She can no longer work, but wishes she could. No reason for this diagnosis, it just happened.
My father-in-law is struggling with advanced prostate cancer and is in Hospice. The pain is horrible, the wasting away a misery. It is easy to become bitter.
One of my daughters was crying on the floor tonight yelling to God,”I’ll do anything, I want my mom back.” How I can I explain something to a child that I am not even sure of myself?
Last week I was talking with another daughter and told her that in a perfect world we would never even know each-other, but the world isn’t perfect and since it isn’t I’m so blessed to be able to be her mom. What kind of conversation is that?
When things like death and illness happen our need for an explanation can change us. We can become hardened to life and deny all good. We can hate God and all the comfort He can bring. We can dive into finding an explanation of any kind, that can bring any comfort so much that we may lose who we are.
We all have different beliefs even if our faith is in the same vein. I hate hearing things like “It was God’s plan.” “God needed him more than we did.” “We all have a reason to be on this Earth and his was done.” I know that these words may bring comfort to some. I don’t want to belittle them. I, however, believe that God didn’t plan for Steve to die so young, my mom to become ill, my father in law to die painfully, two of my kids to lose a mother and a country.
Things happen in this life, in this world. God is here to comfort, support and love us. I do believe in miracles and have to be careful not to get to jaded to see them. We will never know all of the whys in this world and we don’t have to. If we forget the struggle to understand and make sense of things maybe we can go on and live our lives the best way we can.
This past weekend at a Christmas program they sang Peace On Earth by Casting Crowns. It stick in my head and helps me with my none-understanding. You can click on the song title above to listen.