Breastfeeding » Four Against Two

I Have The Best Job In The World

A Mom's Job, Breastfeeding 2 Responses »

Nov 072011

I just got back from working an eight-hour shift today. I normally work four hours, so it felt great to get an entire shift in! We were busy, as busy as I have been since coming back from my two-year break. I loved every minute of it.

It felt great to be useful, to be able to answer questions, relieve anxiety and help new families plan for the first few weeks with a newborn. I get instant gratification at my work and I crave that. I like watching an infant and mom improve their latch and technique in a matter of a few hours.

It also felt great to be challenged. There were two infants who had some major tight jaw action and one little girl who sucked on her tongue. I knew what to do. I knew what to say, suggest. That feeling is golden for me as normally I don’t know what to do or say. I don’t have answers for the world’s problems, I don’t have answers for all my family’s woes: But I can help you breastfeed. That might not seem like much to some, but it is my skill and for a mom needing help I can seem like a chariot of golden help! If only I had a magic wand to make everything easy.

To me nothing is more intimate or amazing than a mom nursing her baby and daddy looking on at them and it is a privilege to be able to help them.

It took me 29 years to find my niche. I pray it doesn’t take my girls that long, but as long as they find it I will be pleased.

What is your best job in the world. Was it easy to discover or did it take a while to figure it out?

Grief Has No Check List

A Mom's Job, Adoption, Breastfeeding, Grief 1 Response »

Jun 022011

I recently participated in an online breastfeeding conference. It is a great way to get my educational hours I need for nursing and Lactation without having to travel. One of the things I really like about it is that while I am learning about breastfeeding, I am also learning about other health dynamics, techniques and concepts that challenge me to think in different ways.

It may sound surprising, but my work as a Lactation Consultant has helped me become a better adoptive parent. I have learned more about attachment and bonding through breastfeeding my own kids and helping other parents than I have from adoption books or seminars. Breastfeeding brings out the basic needs that humans desire: Connection (love, commitment, relationship) and nurturing (food, shelter, protection). The adoption triad (birth parents, child, adoptive parents) revolve around these needs as well.

At my conference this year, I listened to a lecture entitled Grief and the Lactating Mother. I admit that this was one of the last sessions I listened to as I knew the content would be heavy. It was of course, but it was so poignant and so deep and she touched on so many aspects of grief that I realized I wasn’t listening as a lactation consultant anymore. I was listening as a mom of traumatized kids.

Two things stood out to me:

1) Grief doesn’t end or come to a resolution. We have to stop going through the Kubler-Ross five steps of grieving as a checklist and more as a guide. There is Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance but they may present at different times, go in a different order or you may skip one. For example you may reach the acceptance stage of your grief and a new experience or trigger will send you back to Anger or Denial.

2) We (as LCs or as adoptive parents) cannot make the grief better or make it go away. We have to acknowledge it and validate the person grieving, and let them grieve as they need to.

Both of those stopped me in my tracks. I cannot stand the thought that Mita and Enu will never heal from their trauma. I want it to get better. Of course, we go through counseling and work on coping techniques and I talk the therapeutic talk but deep down, I still want to fix it and I cannot.

The thought of every birthday, graduation, wedding, a child’s birth, etc will possibly bring a wave of fresh grief to them is very difficult me me to accept. I see the progress they are making though and I have hope that while the grief will always be there, they will be able to handle it and that it will change to a dull ache and not searing pain.

Heavy subject matter for the first week of summer, I know, but there are so many people grieving right now that I know I just thought I would share the rumbling thoughts in my head.

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