Tis the season of sickness,

fa la la la la, la la la la

Tylenol and Ibuphrophen

Gotta stock up a la la la

Kleenex, Vicks Vapor and Vomit

La la la la la Fa la la la

Snotty  noses, swollen glands

Don’t forget the throw up pans

Fa la la la la la Fa la la la

(Please forgive my sleep-starved brains!)

I honestly don’t remember Mita doing this assignment last year, but I do remember Meg doing it. This makes me wonder if it was assigned to Mita and she didn’t make a big deal about it or if she kept the assignment on the down-low because it was a big deal to her.  Hmm. I must go through the projects I kept from last year and see if I can find it.

Back to yesterday.  I told Enu that I would have to get on the computer and order prints as we are a digital family and I rarely have extra prints hanging around.  We discussed what pictures she wanted and what her events on the time line were going to be:

1- Birth in Ethiopia – She wanted a baby picture of her and her dad that we have.

2- Mom dying when she was 3.

So when she mentioned this I gently said,”Honey, if you put this down people are going to ask you about it.”  She shrugged and said that it was fine.

3- Adoption and movie to the USA.

4- Disneyworld for the first time.

5- Being at 4th grader.

I am planning on supporting her wishes, but I am also going to have a back up picture in case she changes her mind at the last-minute. I will also let her teacher know what is coming so she isn’t put on the spot.

I applaud her for being truthful and authentic in her project. I admire her strength for acknowledging what she has done through. I am so worried that this may trigger something and she will have a bad experience at school.  I’m running this by Hubby to see what he thinks.

I think this will also be a lesson-learner for the other kids in the class.  Not everyone has an all-happy timeline to share, even 9 year olds.  That said I hate that my children seem to be the models for adoption and diversity at school as that is a lot of pressure on a kid.  If anyone out there has traveled this path I would love some advice!

I hope that Mita and Meg will read this book as it speaks to their age and I think Mita can identify with the main character, Lahni.  Of course I can not push it on them to forcefully or it will come right back. The joys of having twelve year old girls!

A quick plot review:  Lahni is a tranracially adopted, only child who is fourteen years old. Her parents are white and she goes to an elite private school where she is the only student of color.  It seems her main goal in life is to not be noticed and she ends up being put in the spotlight without her asking to be.  Along the way she deals with divorcing parents, an older boy who is threatening, dealing with normal school issues and trying to find her voice.  She also developed some new relationships with adult African Americans and this makes a big impact on her.

As a mother to two trans-racially adopted children there were a few parts of the book that made me feel triumphant, as I am a much more open and affectionate mother than Lahni’s mom.  Here are a couple of lines where I felt this:

“Do you think I have a decent voice?”

“Of course I do. God knows where you get it from.  Certainly not your father or me.”

How could she be saying this. It is not as though she knows more than I do if my real mother or father were good singers.  But it was something my mom always did. Speak as though were were really one family, instead of me being apart of someone else’s.

The family dynamics demonstrated in the book showed that Lahni was very loved by her parents, but that they were distant enough to Lahni to sometimes think that they thought the adoption was a mistake.  While reading the book I would get irritated at some of the interactions of the family, but I do acknowledge  that her younger memories show a happier, close knit family. The strain of the divorce and Lahni becoming a teenager may be a couple of factors for the emptiness felt in this family. You can see both parents struggling and so can Lahni.

I have to wonder though, if the author is showing his experience or lack of experience with trans-racial adoption in this story, or if in fact this is just how he envisioned the story. I would love to talk to him and ask him.  I  hope that people don’t assume that trans-racial adoption, or any type adoption at all for that matter produces lack-luster affection in families or families who don’t address and celebrate their differences.

Any thoughts on this book if you have read it?  I really enjoyed it. I even sat in a Sears parking lot today reading it, because it was driving me nuts having it in my purse while I was running errands and I couldn’t finish it!  I love it when a book gets into me that way.

(Disclaimer:  I was not asked to read or review this book, I just wanted to for participation in the 2012 Adoption Reading Challenge hosted by Jenna.  Links are Amazon Affiliates.)

It was a wonderful way to spend two hours. Hearing stories from others, who may not have had the same experience as I do with adoption, but I still learn from them.  I have found that being good friends with a birth mom has made me a better adoptive parent, which in turn has made me a better person.

To be around others from different backgrounds, different opinions, different experiences is something I really enjoy. I love learning from people’s stories. It has made me a better friend, mother, daughter and wife, which in turn has made me a better person.

I see a theme here that I wish others would see. We don’t all have to agree on everything, we don’t all have to have the same background, we don’t all have to use the same language. But if we spend time together, learn from each-other and glean from our experiences as a whole, we will become better people.

What started as an adoption piece just turned into a political year post!

This was my five minutes of Sunday Stream of Consciousness.  No editing, no spell check, just raw writing. It is refreshing!

 Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

I have not watched To Kill A Mockingbird since I was young and was anxious to watch it again as an adult to glean more of a message. I am also inspired to re-read the book, and have put it on my library list.

Mita and I cozied up on an icy day when the rest of the family were on a snow hike. We popped some popcorn and watched the movie together. I love watching old movies with the kids.  Being a black and white film, long beginning credits and the length of the movie itself are a history lesson.

To Kill A Mockingbird is a movie filmed in 1962 and was based on the novel of the same name that was written by Harper Lee. Set in the deep south in the 1930′s  Atticus Fitch, a single father,  is appointed to be the defense attorney for an accused black man.  The story is shown through the prospective of Atticus’ children, and covers far more than the racial divides of the day.  For example the topic of a neighbor with a mental delay/illness shows us how people with special needs were treated and feared in that time.  The poverty of the depression is shown throughout as is the mourning a family without a mother is noted upon.

I will not give away the story as it is such a powerful one, I do recommend watching this movie and reading the book if you have never done so before.  A great movie to watch with your older children.  It was great to watch with Mita and point out how things were just  100 years ago. The jury in the courtroom consisted of twelve, white men. The courtroom only allowed blacks in the balcony and the use of the n word and calling grown black men boy was very noticeable.

To Kill A Mockingbird hits the stores January 31st in DVD and Blu-ray.  The extra features include a conversation with Gregory Peck, and his Academy Award acceptance speech for Best Actor.   I enjoyed watching the Scout Remembers feature and seeing Scout all grown up and learning the story of how she was chosen to act in the film.  The book,To Kill a Mockingbird: 50th Anniversary Edition is now available at Amazon.

(Disclosure: I was provided with a preview copy of To Kill A Mockingbird from Universal Home Entertainment for my honest review. No other compensation was received.  Amazon links are affiliate links.)

Snow day….what to do, what to do?

1) Hide under my covers.

2) Be the best mom in the world and take the girls sledding topped with hot chocolate.

3) Be the best mom in the world and let them watch their favorite shows on the big TV while eating  popcorn.

4) Establish a nap time, but call it a siesta to make it sound sophisticated.

Who am I kidding, we can accomplish all of these things today. There is plenty because we have another three day weekend.  Whoo-hooo and waaaaaaa.

Photo Credit

My kids do own clean clothes. They also have coats and gloves.  They own and have demonstrated proper use with a toothbrush and a hair comb.

I recently made a pledge to myself to send my children off to school with more love than nagging. Thus instead of my normal “It’s January in  Ohio, get over it and where your heavy coat” song and dance I have been trying to say things like, “Mommy loves you and doesn’t want you to be cold.” In a soft voice that is much like Mary Poppins or Ma Ingalls. 

This recent pledge has backed me into a corner and given me little room to maneuver or manipulate. So you may see my almost twelve year old wearing her pajama shirt today,”No one will know it’s a pajama top mom.” Says Her.  Little does she realize that everyone who has been to Walmart after Christmas and seen the 50% off pajama section will know.  I did complement the shiny, red sequined head band she is wearing with said pajama top.

I know that the announcements the schools send out go to everyone, but I see them as personal failures.

” Dear Parent, please make sure your children have appropriate cold weather wear so they can play outside.” 

“Dear School, I have provided cold weather outerwear for my kids and send them off to school with it.  Check the backpacks and pockets for the items you need that they say they don’t have.  I’m not sure why but my children feel the need to be cold. Please feel free to speak with them on this subject as they cannot hear my words on the subject, it must be a communication flaw.”

I’m not sure what I am doing wrong/different from the parents who get their kids to wear not only appropriate attire, but matching and cute attire as well.  Pants, shirts and  head bands that match and coordinate? How do you do such a thing? Is it genetic or maybe you torture your kids? Am I cursed because I refused to wear a dress for my mother from the ages of 3-14? Or maybe because I wore all black for three years and threatened to shave my head bald? Or maybe it is because I used to change at school into my shirts with skulls and crossbones that my mom wouldn’t let me wear? Or maybe it is because for a few years as a pre-schooler I claimed I was a boy? 

I hope the curse will end soon, or my kids will learn to like being clean and warm. Until then,  take pity on me and ignore what my children wear today to school.  Please?  I will owe you one.

Sincerely,

A mom who is trying not to nag

(I see Angry Birds when I look at this!)

We seem to giggle at the pudginess, get exasperated with buying more clothes, talk about how they are growing up too fast - like it is a bad thing.  Or sometimes we don’t say anything about it at all, which can be worse.

What we should do and often don’t do, is tell the girls that this is normal.  During puberty girls can gain thirty to fifty pounds.  Their bodies are getting ready for a change and our body fat needs to increase to hold the estrogen needed.  This is a lot of weight in a relatively short period of time.  It is hard for us as parents to watch our girls growing up, but it is even more difficult for the girls themselves to live through.

So how can we help our daughters, and ourselves, during this time of growth and transition?  Words.  Simple words starting when you start to see changes in them, or even before if it comes up in conversation.

“I am in such awe of how beautiful you are becoming.”

“You are growing up, it is a pleasure to watch you become a young lady.”

“That shirt looks nice on you.  Maybe we should get a bra to wear under it, for a smoother appearance.  What a lady you are becoming.”

“Let’s try another size, you are blossoming!” (Seriously, this line made one of girls smile with pleasure- she loved that I had noticed.)

I am being honest, saying these things are helpful, they may just not seem like it.  Remember, the girls will roll their eyes and say things like “You have to say that you are my mom.”  Conversation and loving support is always a good thing. Getting Dads to be supportive is a wonderful thing to do as well.  They don’t have to talk about bras, but hugs and complements from their father can mean a lot to a young girl.

There are still going to be moments of tears, it is a good chance they will talk about dieting, not liking how they look and of hating themselves.  We have to be the voice of reason.  Remind them to look around at school, notice the other girls and how they are changing to.  Remind them that this is a normal, natural development, but that everyone grows differently and at their own pace.  I will give you a link to a great book I reviewed last year about girls and their body image.

And be prepared to spend a bundle on clothes, they will grow out of their pants overnight!

Or did they?  I have slowing gleaned that while they seem conversationally fluent, if they don’t know something they fake it, or guess the meaning by the context of the conversation.  I have learned we need to work on vocabulary, tone, sarcasm and idioms.  They are still very literal in many ways.

Enu and I have worked a lot with word ladders.  This has improved her spelling and vocabulary and they are fun to do.  I found two other books that helped with her language skills:

In A Pickle And Other Funny Idioms by Marvin Terban

Ever wonder where the expression “To let the cat out of the bag” came from? This book will tell you along with other idioms like “He got up on the wrong side of the bed” or “Keep your shirt on.”  I learned some things reading this and I know Enu did as well.

How Much Can A Bare Bear Bear? by Brian P. Cleary is a book on homonyms and homophones.  “A bee can be.” ” A horse can get hoarse from talking of course.”  An easy read that shows kids how to learn our complicated English in a fun, silly way.

I would love for Mita to read these books as well, as I know she too struggles with some of these things as Enu does. Of course a fifth grader is not always open to such suggestions from mother ;)

I wanted to share these books to help out the fellow homeschooler and the parents of newly adopted older kids who are learning English. They are helpful and fun and free if you get them from the library as I did. I did get the word ladder of Amazon, but it was totally worth the few bucks it cost.

(Disclosure: I was not asked to review these materials, nor do I make money on the links.  I should do something about that shouldn’t I!)