Reading Challenge » Four Against Two

Book Review: When The Black Girl Sings

A Mom's Job, Adoption, Books I Have Read, Family, Reading Challenge No Responses »

Jan 242012

The second book I choose to read for the 2012 Adoption Book Challenge is a fiction one titled,When the Black Girl Sings, written by Bil Wright, published in 2008 for young adults and picked as a Junior Library Guild Selection.

I hope that Mita and Meg will read this book as it speaks to their age and I think Mita can identify with the main character, Lahni. Of course I can not push it on them to forcefully or it will come right back. The joys of having twelve year old girls!

A quick plot review: Lahni is a tranracially adopted, only child who is fourteen years old. Her parents are white and she goes to an elite private school where she is the only student of color. It seems her main goal in life is to not be noticed and she ends up being put in the spotlight without her asking to be. Along the way she deals with divorcing parents, an older boy who is threatening, dealing with normal school issues and trying to find her voice. She also developed some new relationships with adult African Americans and this makes a big impact on her.

As a mother to two trans-racially adopted children there were a few parts of the book that made me feel triumphant, as I am a much more open and affectionate mother than Lahni’s mom. Here are a couple of lines where I felt this:

“Do you think I have a decent voice?”

“Of course I do. God knows where you get it from. Certainly not your father or me.”

How could she be saying this. It is not as though she knows more than I do if my real mother or father were good singers. But it was something my mom always did. Speak as though were were really one family, instead of me being apart of someone else’s.

The family dynamics demonstrated in the book showed that Lahni was very loved by her parents, but that they were distant enough to Lahni to sometimes think that they thought the adoption was a mistake. While reading the book I would get irritated at some of the interactions of the family, but I do acknowledge that her younger memories show a happier, close knit family. The strain of the divorce and Lahni becoming a teenager may be a couple of factors for the emptiness felt in this family. You can see both parents struggling and so can Lahni.

I have to wonder though, if the author is showing his experience or lack of experience with trans-racial adoption in this story, or if in fact this is just how he envisioned the story. I would love to talk to him and ask him. I hope that people don’t assume that trans-racial adoption, or any type adoption at all for that matter produces lack-luster affection in families or families who don’t address and celebrate their differences.

Any thoughts on this book if you have read it? I really enjoyed it. I even sat in a Sears parking lot today reading it, because it was driving me nuts having it in my purse while I was running errands and I couldn’t finish it! I love it when a book gets into me that way.

(Disclaimer: I was not asked to read or review this book, I just wanted to for participation in the 2012 Adoption Reading Challenge hosted by Jenna. Links are Amazon Affiliates.)

Book Review: No Biking In The House Without A Helmet

Adoption, Books I Have Read, Reading Challenge, Reviews No Responses »

Jan 102012

After participating in last year’s Adoption Reading Challenge, I was delighted to know that Jenna is hosting one for 2012 as well! I knew immediately that my first adoption themed book would be No Biking in the House Without A Helmet by Melissa Fay Greene. I have been wanting to read this book since I heard it came out, I just needed a kick in the pants to get started.

Before I start with my review I have to tell you that Melissa Fay Greene is a part of my adoption story. It was her article in Good Housekeeping that I read sometime in 2004 (while pregnant with Elle) that I fell in love with Ethiopia and got my dormant adoption feelings going again. It was also her book There Is No Me Without You that tugged at our hearts so dearly when we were doing the paper chase in 2006 and 2007. It must be said that in tough times she has been blamed for this! After reading her newest book, I know she doesn’t think ill of us for those blaming thoughts. No Biking In The House provides some back story to my situation. We used the same agency, so reading about Layla House and AAI, well it’s like reading a prequel.

Greene does a nice job in combining this biography of how her family of eleven came to be with anecdotes of daily life with her children. As a fellow mom who adopted after having biological kids and who twinned two of her kids, I could really relate in some of her stories, thoughts and fears.

This book is a must read for large families and adoptive families and for families who dream of becoming large and adoptive. All mothers can relate to this story just with the hilarity that motherhood can be at times. I loved reading how her bio kids and adoptive kids became closer, how she maintained her Ethiopian children’s heritage and languages and found the biological mother for her Bulgarian son. She bulks against have a group home effect, and in that I can totally relate. There have been times that I feel I am the maid in a bed and breakfast. Families have to work at being families sometimes, and that is okay. She gets International Adoption for what it is. Not a solution for poverty, but a way to build a family for parents who want to parent a child who has no family that can care for them.

The feelings that ran through me while reading No Biking In The House Without A Helmet, ranged from sadness, joy and knowing to jealously. Yes, I said Jealously. When reading about Helen’s disobedience over a can of Coke and how it led to an hour-long holding her violent little body I could wholeheartedly relate. I’ve been there, many, many times. When she ended that story with “That was the only tantrum we ever had out of Helen.” I was envious. One time! I’ve been spit on, bitten, kicked, pinched and hit so many times that we do not do the “holding therapy” anymore. They are just to big. Her bout with post-adoption depression resonated in me as well. It’s not all roses and rainbows, those first few months.

I am also acutely aware that we do not live in a diverse, metro area as she does in Atlanta. She was able to hire an Ethiopian babysitter who spoke Amharic to her kids and could make Ethiopian food. Her town also offers many different schooling and recreation opportunities that my rural town doesn’t offer. I wonder how my lack of access to these things have effected my girls and if that could have made the difference with some of our issues.

Melissa Fay Greene has written a thoughtful, funny and lovely book that speaks of the truths of adoption while not being to heavy of a read. Go and read this book and laugh out-loud!