Parenting » Four Against Two

Keep Your Children Reading This Summer!

A Mom's Job, Education, Parenting, Reading Challenge, Summer Fun No Responses »

May 022012

If you ever look at my blog, you know that I am a reader. I love to read. I could read all day. I have to stop myself from reading to actively participate in the real world. My mom used to make me put down my books and play outside. I’m addicted, it’s just a legal drug and is generally a good thing to be addicted to!

Seeing a parent read is the best way to raise readers. I truly believe that. I also accept that not everyone is going to be as crazy about books as I am. But I will try to convert you I promise.

Summer time at our house is a great time. We are either crazy-busy or crazy-lazy. For the crazy-lazy times it can be challenging to keep the media to a low-roar. In our house media is TV, computer or non-active Wii games. For the last two years I have used media-bucks to keep the kids on limited screen time and to keep them reading. Last year I had yard sales at the end of the month where the girls could buy fun stuff with media bucks if they saved them. This is great because they are earning the media bucks, but not using them on TV! I also had a read-so-many-minutes over the summer you get a book series. All the girls earned great book series. Meg got the entire 39 Clues series, Mita got The Hunger Games Trilogy, Enu got a huge Junie B. Jones series and Elle got… I cannot remember, I thinks she just chose a few books instead of a series.

While I was happy with last year’s success, I am ramping it up a bit. This year I am doing a stamp card. This way they hopefully don’t loose it the way they could the media bucks. Here is how it goes:

1 Media Stamp = 30 minutes of media time

Level 1 books = 1 media stamp for 30 minutes of reading

(age level books the kids like to read)

Level 2 books = 2 media stamps for 30 minutes of reading

(Book that push them to read at a higher level)

Level 3 books= 3 media stamps for 30 minutes of reading

(any non-fiction reading, classic or a book that Mom would like you to read)

Learning Lab = 3 media stamps

( A workbook or experiment.)

Active outdoor play for 30 minutes= 1 media stamp

You can see where I am going with Level 3. Meg doesn’t want to read the classics right now, but I am bound and determined to get some Little Women in her this summer! This should all equal to plenty of TV time as well as great reading time and some fun prizes. This year I am doing gift cards to Amazon, Barnes and Noble and iTunes instead of a yard sale. The kids are stoked!

This may seem like a lot of work, but for my family it is how we function. We have to have clear, set guidelines or it is chaos around here.

We also do the Summer Reading at our local library. This is a family favorite, but as the kids get older I really push content over how many books are read. I try to get the girls to set a content goal over a number goal, like “I will read 20 books this summer, 10 of them chapter books, 2 of them classics and 8 off them non-fiction.”

Scholastic has a great summer reading site that you should check out. We did this last summer and the kids had a lot of fun on it. It is a fun way for them to keep track of how much they read. It also lead to a great discussion on honestly and integrity when one of my girls cooked the numbers a bit! Click here for a video tutorial on how it works. They also have great book lists for all ages.

If you want to keep your kids reading this summer the first thing you should do is pick up a book and read it yourself, let the kids see you read and talk about what a great book it is. Then take them to the library!

Getting Her Ready For Social Media

A Mom's Job, Family, Frustrated Mommy Moments, Moments With Meg, My Soap Box, Parenting, Safety, Teendom No Responses »

Apr 252012

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I have an almost 13-year-old that is bringing the whole social media thing and her use of it to my forefront. I have several ideas running through my head on how to approach this, but I still have time. I don’t think I am in denial, I just like to procrastinate. Ask Hubby if you don’t believe me.

Meg (said almost thirteen year old) has a blog. She started it not quite a year ago and reviews books, movies and a few random posts. She is an obsessive reader, likes to write and is currently writing her first novel, which I find amazing, I know I am a her mom, but it is amazing. From time to time though she gets writers block and for some reason thinks it is my responsibility to help her through it. This conversation just happened this morning:

Meg: Mom, I don’t know what to write for my next blog. Tell me what to write. (Read in a whiny voice).

Mom: Write about Earth Day, write about your Silver Award project.

Meg: I’ve tried and I cannot. I’ve tried and tried.

Mom: Just start writing and throw out your first paragraph, a lot of writers do that.

Meg: I can’t, tell me what to write! (whiney voice is louder and more annoying)

Mom: (Watching a TV commercial about cars) Write about how you feel when you start daddy’s car in the morning. It could be a good father’s day gift for him.

Meg: (Silence)

Mom: (….ah silence)

This is what she came up with When I Start The Car. I think she did a great job sharing her emotions and I am very happy that I was able to help her out for once. Maybe now she’ll listen to me sooner, but I doubt it.

It is times like these that make me think she may be ready to dip her toe in the tumultuous ocean of social media. Not because writing a good blog makes you savvy to the ways of Facebook, but because she has demonstrated that she can share her feelings effectively to the world (or me). She writes, she proofreads, she edits.

She recently sent a text that hurt her friend’s feelings. We were able to talk about how texting and emails don’t show the emotions that your voice does. You cannot say somethings with a text. It’s just not done. A painful lesson, but on a smaller scale thankfully. I cannot help but mourn for the girls who have texted much worse to people such as inappropriate pictures. Our children have the whole world in their hands, literally. The power they have is daunting, yet we seem to let them treat it way too lightly.

To many I may be over thinking the social media thing. I may seem obsessive or over-protective with my kids. I cannot help but be careful with my girls though. Social media is the way of the world. Bosses are checking your Facebook page. Colleges are tracking your movements. Your social media footprint follows you much like your credit score, and you have to protect it. On top of that you have crazy people trying to meet with your children in hotel rooms (we have one of those down the street).

I hope when Meg clicks post on Facebook she looks at her post not as a brief update on what she is doing after school, but as a little piece of her that she is sharing with the world. I hope she can look at it objectively and think “Does the world need to know this about me?” “Is this a safe thing to share?” “Would I share this with a stadium full of people?” “Is this fair to other people?” “Will it hurt someone’s feelings?” That is a lot of questions to go through someone’s mind, but with time and practice I think we can learn to take a double look at our contributions to the world. Even if they are only 140 characters or a pin.

How To Save Your Dr. Seuss

A Mom's Job, Books I Have Read, Education, Moments with Elle, Parenting, Stuff 1 Response »

Apr 102012

If you have young children in elementary or pre-school most likely you know that the celebration of Dr. Seuss’ birthday was a couple of weeks ago.

Which means right about now your child’s backpack is full of the cutest art projects you have ever seen! Projects that you don’t want to toss but cannot realistically keep on your fridge or in a scrapbook either. Unless this is your first child. Then you will keep everything for years until your basement or garage is full and realize that something has to hit the recycling bin or you have to buy a bigger home.

After having Meg fill 5+ bins I started to realize that with four kids, the bin thing wasn’t happening. So three years ago I started making school project photo books on Shutterfly (tons of other sites, but Shutterfly is my fav). I take the pictures of the projects and save them for the next book. This makes it so much easier to toss the projects. I don’t enjoy junking them, but it is a necessary evil of motherhood. I have also made thank you cards and notecards out of some of the projects.

So back to Dr. Seuss. Elle came home with a few really cute things that I cannot throw away. Maybe it is because she is my baby and I’m realizing that this may be my last Dr. Seuss birthday bonanza, maybe it’s because I’m tired of taking out the recycling. Who knows? What I do know is that an idea popped into my head that I am happy with and thought I would share.

As a reading family there are some books that will never be donated or passed on. Dr. Seuss books are those sorts of books. Elle has fallen hard for the rhyme master and has even read me Green Eggs and Ham backwards before (a realllllly loooonnnggg story btw!). So I merged the two and have not lost any space.

I simply added her art work to the insides of the books and now the books mean even more to me than before. I can imagine Elle’s kids opening the book and seeing mommy’s artwork from when she was a girl….ahhhh. Tears. Sniff. Sniff.

Awesome.

They better appreciate this stuff!

Talking Body To Tweens

A Mom's Job, Health and Hygiene, Parenting, Teendom No Responses »

Mar 222012

Racing towards adult-hood :(

I have an amazing power that was only recently discovered. I don’t twitch when the word puberty is said. I not only don’t twitch, I get happy and love to talk about it with parents and girls. Girls only. I have no idea about the boys.

Armed with this new super power I recently worked with a teen counselor and we put on a program for some local Girl Scouts. We held it around Valentines Day and called it Loving Your Growing Body. It was complete with snacks and door prizes and I have to say it was a huge success. I was elated afterwards that twenty girls ages 9-16 knew how and why their bodies were changing, that it was healthy and normal. Also that ten of them attended with their moms and the continuing conversation was started that day for some of them.

Remember that I always encourage parents that there is no “The Talk” if you want to have healthy communication with your kids. There needs to be several small conversations over several years that make parents and kids comfortable with each other so that when and if a big topic or issue pops up, the scene is set for loving and supportive communication.

I am excited to be working on a similar program at the hospital where I work. I want to develope a program for girls to attend with their mom/grandmas. I believe that knowledge is power. Girls (and boys of course, though I know nothing about them and frankly they scare me sometimes!) armed with the knowledge that they are healthy and normal are going to make better decisions. I hope they will delay having sex, will feel better about themselves and not take abuse, have open communication with parents. I feel that the current programs that are in place for this age group are very lacking in that they do not encourage communication with family and when it comes down to it the family is responsible for passing on their values and those values are what is going to form the child. If you are secretive about bodies with no communication your child will most likely have a lot of unanswered questions or obtain incorrect answers from other sources, this may lead to very bad choices.

At the end of the program the evaluations were all positive, I had one mom who wished I hadn’t talked so much about menstruation, but others were asking for more. They want a class on sex, a 16-year-old was asking good questions about her cycle. Kids want to know, they just need a trusting place to ask. Hopefully that place is at home.

To clarify here, there was no talk about sex or birth control. Girl Scouts don’t go there as they are about empowering girls through fun and educational program activities and building self-esteem. This program was simply about feeling good about yourself and knowing the changes that happen to our bodies are normal. The moms who stayed really loved it and learned things they needed to know about helping their daughters prepare for what is to come.

All of this said. Only one of my own daughters came and she admitted it was just for the great goodie bag (several places and people donated beauty and hygiene items). The older two helped me put together the packets and said that they had seen it all. I am mom. They don’t want to watch me talk about boobs and pads to other kids. I get that. Frustration was felt, but I get that. My baby at age seven is not ready for a class like this and I am happy about that. I want kids to be kids as long as they can.

Just today my almost ten-year-old was asking why her butt was so big when she was only a kid. My answer was truthful. “Your butt isn’t big, it’s a woman’s butt. Your body is going on 16 while your mind is about 8 or 9. One day your mind and body will even out, but until then the process can be trying.” No easy answers, but compassion and understanding and hopefully we will get through this one-day!

Trying To Figure Out The Social Media Thing For My Kids

A Mom's Job, Entertainment, Family, Moments With Meg, My Soap Box, Parenting, Safety, Teendom 1 Response »

Mar 092012

I must tell you that the knee-jerk reaction I have when I think of my kids joining social media is no, absolutely not, never and lets just not even go there. Why do I feel this way? Well, it is just one more thing to monitor for one, and I just don’t need anything else to my list to check on. My daughters also see their friends five days a week if not more, so they are not lacking socialization.

My oldest daughter, Meg, does think it is somwhere she needs to go. Hmm. Now I have to do that parenting thing and not the dictatorship thing that comes to naturally and makes my life that much more easy. Meg will be the magic 13 this October and is already being strategic about getting onto Facebook as 13 is the legal age to have a Facebook account. I will repeat, Facebook allows you to have an account when you are 13. I repeated that because many parents don’t know this or don’t care about this rule. I recently learned that everyday Facebook kicks off around 100,000 underage kids. It irritates me that parents allow and encourage their kids to break the rules. Go ahead, teach your kids that rules don’t apply to them, we need more entitled kids in this world (sarcasm).

I have noticed that many of Meg’s friends are on Facebook (underage) and even have open to the public accounts. Not even the basics of safety have been undertaken. That scares me. Are we just ignorant as a society or in total denial that bad things can happen to our children?

Okay, back to my own house. I know my kids will be exposed to social media at some point, Actually they are already on Yoursphere network. I love Yoursphere and have tried to get Meg’s friends on it so they can talk and be social online together in a safe place, but it didn’t take. The kids were already on Facebook. I even recommended it to the middle school principle and PTO as a fundraiser and a solution to the social media problem at the school. No go. This at a school that at the orientation spent the majority of the time talking about “mean girls” and social media problems that they were having with behavior.

At a recent Girl Scout event they offered a Hip Pop session for parents/leaders covering social media basics. The one thing I really took away is that we want our kids to be innovators of social media/computer not just consumers. Meaning we want our kids to learn and create things not just stare at a screen. He suggested that we get our kids blogging, making movies, even writing apps. I was pleased that Meg already fits in this category with her blog.

To sum up this all over the place post, I am working towards a plan to raise media savy kids who are productive in our techy climate. I will share my plans and ask many questions on this quest.

I have a headache already. Why can’t they just stay little and be happy with a few places?

Don’t forget to enter my St. Patrick’s Day giveaway! Ends March 11, 2012

They Never Sleep Through The Night

A Mom's Job, Parenting 2 Responses »

Feb 152012

Working with new parents I often hear the term sleeping through the night. I get a kick out of this phrase. Why? Because kids never sleep through the night.

Oh sure, you won’t be waking up to nurse every two hours forever and there will be weeks, maybe months without being disturbed from your slumber. But they will still awaken you for good reasons sometimes and for annoying ones at other times. The most annoying reason lately was when Elle hit her sore toe on a box. .. In her bed. I suggested to her to not sleep with a giant box on her bed and that would take care of the problem (Thanks Dad for making your box robot so wonderful that she will not get rid of it!)

Last week I realized that I had been woke up by a sick child ELEVEN nights in a row. I don’t have babies, toddlers or pre-schoolers. My kids are 7, 9, 12 and 12. We had a run of illness that just now seems to be coming to an end. Hopefully. I would love to sleep through the night again.

Sorry if I have burst anyone’s dreams of a sleeping feature.

And also, as I shared with Firemom the other day, the whining gets worse around age seven. Wish I could say it isn’t so.

Photo Credit

Worry Much?

A Mom's Job, Hubby, Moments With Meg, Parenting 1 Response »

Feb 082012

So the bad news is that I am neurotic and the good news is that apparently my condition is getting better.

Nine years ago Hubby surprised me with a seven-day cruise to the Western Caribbean. When I say surprised, I mean total shocker. We hadn’t talked about it or anything, I just opened up my Valentines card and there it was. Lovely man, I know.

Nine years ago I only had one little one. Meg was about three. I was still perfect mom. You know what I mean, I did it all right and I could tell anyone how to raise a perfect kid. Meg was a dream child in so many ways and I attributed it to me. Hubby too. But Me.

I was a wreck about leaving her. I was sure we would die on the plane and not be around to enjoy watching her grow up. I was positive that a week with her grandmas would spoil my perfect child. So I did what every perfect mom would do and I created a pamphlet, yes a pamphlet, for the grandmas. The title of the pamphlet was: How to Raise A Meg. Really, that is what I called it.

The trip came and went, all was well. Apparently my perfect child at one point jumped up on the counter and called my father in law a “lily-livered-codfish”. I, of course, thought that she was a genius for reciting Peter Pan (a personal favorite) but my father in law wasn’t impressed! She did fine and was not spoiled forever, we lived to see her again and the pamphlet was forgotten.

Until last night. Going through old pictures, by mom showed it to me at our Super Bowl get together. Oh my gracious. How embarrassed was I? Reading this pamphlet was eye-opening. I must have been an obnoxious bitch of a mom at that time. I am able to laugh at myself, but it was enlightening to see how condescending I was back then. At least I hope it was back then.

We are leaving for Hawaii on Sunday. When I say we I mean, Hubby and I. That lovely man did it again and surprised me on my birthday last year. The kids are staying home mostly with my mom. My mom in law and my sister-in-law on deck to help out as needed. I’ve called in a few favors to help with the picking up and dropping off that is needed with school age kids. There will be no pamphlets this time around as I do not have the time to make four of them, nor is there room on a piece of paper to explain all the craziness in my head that is parenting. I do have a schedule made out, a menu planned, general rules for the girls and the necessary permissions for my mom, dad and mom in law to take care of the kids.

So the good news is that I am no longer, neurotic mom. Or maybe it’s not that I’m no longer neurotic, it’s just that I don’t have time or energy to be. Hmmm.

Adoption and School Projects

A Mom's Job, Adoption, Ethiopia, Family, Family Pictures, Moments with Enu, Parenting 3 Responses »

Jan 262012

Enu came home yesterday all excited about the time line project assigned to her class. She has to have at least 3 pictures and 5 events on her timeline including birth and present day.

I honestly don’t remember Mita doing this assignment last year, but I do remember Meg doing it. This makes me wonder if it was assigned to Mita and she didn’t make a big deal about it or if she kept the assignment on the down-low because it was a big deal to her. Hmm. I must go through the projects I kept from last year and see if I can find it.

Back to yesterday. I told Enu that I would have to get on the computer and order prints as we are a digital family and I rarely have extra prints hanging around. We discussed what pictures she wanted and what her events on the time line were going to be:

1- Birth in Ethiopia – She wanted a baby picture of her and her dad that we have.

2- Mom dying when she was 3.

So when she mentioned this I gently said,”Honey, if you put this down people are going to ask you about it.” She shrugged and said that it was fine.

3- Adoption and movie to the USA.

4- Disneyworld for the first time.

5- Being at 4th grader.

I am planning on supporting her wishes, but I am also going to have a back up picture in case she changes her mind at the last-minute. I will also let her teacher know what is coming so she isn’t put on the spot.

I applaud her for being truthful and authentic in her project. I admire her strength for acknowledging what she has done through. I am so worried that this may trigger something and she will have a bad experience at school. I’m running this by Hubby to see what he thinks.

I think this will also be a lesson-learner for the other kids in the class. Not everyone has an all-happy timeline to share, even 9 year olds. That said I hate that my children seem to be the models for adoption and diversity at school as that is a lot of pressure on a kid. If anyone out there has traveled this path I would love some advice!

Mom Of Tweens: Rapid Growth

A Mom's Job, Health and Hygiene, Parenting, Teendom No Responses »

Jan 162012

Most people know that when girls hit the age of eight or so they seem to grow outward a bit, a bit more rounded. Then poof….they grow several inches and breasts, hips get rounded and they become little ladies rather than staying little kids. These are normal changes for girls, yet we as parents/adults don’t treat them as normal.

We seem to giggle at the pudginess, get exasperated with buying more clothes, talk about how they are growing up too fast - like it is a bad thing. Or sometimes we don’t say anything about it at all, which can be worse.

What we should do and often don’t do, is tell the girls that this is normal. During puberty girls can gain thirty to fifty pounds. Their bodies are getting ready for a change and our body fat needs to increase to hold the estrogen needed. This is a lot of weight in a relatively short period of time. It is hard for us as parents to watch our girls growing up, but it is even more difficult for the girls themselves to live through.

So how can we help our daughters, and ourselves, during this time of growth and transition? Words. Simple words starting when you start to see changes in them, or even before if it comes up in conversation.

“I am in such awe of how beautiful you are becoming.”

“You are growing up, it is a pleasure to watch you become a young lady.”

“That shirt looks nice on you. Maybe we should get a bra to wear under it, for a smoother appearance. What a lady you are becoming.”

“Let’s try another size, you are blossoming!” (Seriously, this line made one of girls smile with pleasure- she loved that I had noticed.)

I am being honest, saying these things are helpful, they may just not seem like it. Remember, the girls will roll their eyes and say things like “You have to say that you are my mom.” Conversation and loving support is always a good thing. Getting Dads to be supportive is a wonderful thing to do as well. They don’t have to talk about bras, but hugs and complements from their father can mean a lot to a young girl.

There are still going to be moments of tears, it is a good chance they will talk about dieting, not liking how they look and of hating themselves. We have to be the voice of reason. Remind them to look around at school, notice the other girls and how they are changing to. Remind them that this is a normal, natural development, but that everyone grows differently and at their own pace. I will give you a link to a great book I reviewed last year about girls and their body image.

And be prepared to spend a bundle on clothes, they will grow out of their pants overnight!

Pure Delight

A Mom's Job, Moments with Elle, Moments with Enu, Moments With Meg, Moments with Mita, Parenting, Teendom 1 Response »

Jan 072012

Watching the girls grow up is downright amazing. I’ve said in the past that when they are small you are so exhausted and tired of saying “no”, of doing the diaper thing, the potty training thing, the sharing thing that you tend to not pay attention or appreciate fully the gains. You are just happy to be through them.

As they get older and the achievements are more out of the hygiene realm, watching them grow, learn and become who they are meant to become is nothing less than miraculous. I have found that every morning they come out of their rooms one step closer to adulthood and it makes me want a pause button in some ways and an applause button in other ways.

Where did Meg, long-legs Meg, get her confidence? Both Hubby and I didn’t have great self-confidence growing up, yet she is strong, solid and humble in her self. I’ve had teachers and other adults tell me how kind she is and how she isn’t a braggart in her accomplishments.

Mita. My dear Mita has blossomed into a young woman (seriously, have you seen her?!). She is quiet and works so hard. She is reading up a storm and is a straight A student. Straight A’s for a child who four years ago knew no English! Her room is her castle and she loves to clean it and take pride in her appearance. The outfits she puts together dazzle and are stunning. How does she make sweats look glamorous?! Her heart. Her heart has had more sorrow than many have had in a lifetime, and yet she is healing. She gives me spontaneous hugs and I love yous. She calls me Mommy sometimes. I love to just stare at her. She doesn’t like that so much though!

Enu. Enu is the child who is teaching me patience and perseverance. She is growing by leaps and bound physically and emotionally. She is finding herself slowly, but it is happening. She is great with young kids and as of right now she is helping me watch my niece. She will be a great babysitter in just a few years. Her smile is contagious, and she really is quite funny. It will be great to watch her harness her energy in the years to come.

Elle. Elle is my elfin fairy for sure. She is now seven and I look at what Meg was like at seven and they are so different yet alike. Elle is becoming very funny, almost a dry sense of humor in some ways. Her comebacks make Hubby and I look at each other and smile. She can take care of herself just fine in a pack of four sisters! She still plays with toys, which makes me sooooo happy. For Christmas she got an iPod and a Lalaloopsy doll and she will walk around playing with both at the same time. She still cuddles which makes me think she will always be a cuddler! Yeah! My baby reads. My. Baby. Reads.

Watching my girls grow is truly a pure delight. I am overwhelmed with how fast everything is going. Meg is talking about college (of course she has always talked about college, but now I picture it happening!). Hubby and I find ourselves talking about a third car for the girls to share.

I know that talking about your kids growing up is a well-worn topic. I’ve heard for years how it goes by quickly. It makes me ache that this is so true but at the same time I love, love, love watching them learn, grow and burst into the world. If I have anything to do with how wonderful these children are it is my greatest honor in life. My work is done, everything else is a bonus.

Black Is Brown As White Is Peach

A Mom's Job, Adoption, Family, Parenting 2 Responses »

Dec 082011

Enu and Hubby at a Father-Daughter Dance in 2009

We are a trans-racial adoptive family. While I tend to forget this at times, Mita and Enu never have that luxury. From the get go the girls have always said brown and peach so that is what we say. One of the first days Enu rode home on the school bus she asked me why a boy was calling her black when she wasn’t black she was brown. I had to explain to her that the work black was used to describe people with all different shades of brown. She was puzzled.

The other morning I heard this conversation from another room (remember I have librarian ears).

Elle: Does white mean peach?

Mita: Yes, like brown means black.

Elle: Oh, so you used to be black and now you are brown?

Enu: Elle, let’s just forget this conversation. (She doesn’t say this mean, she just doesn’t want to talk about it.)

So, Elle – who doesn’t remember life without her colorful family, is now realizing that we are seen as different and Mita and Enu – who cannot help put constantly be reminded that they are different.

And then there is my nephew. Nine months younger than Elle, he was about two when we brought the girls home. I guess no one ever talked to him about the adoption and so, much like Elle it has always been this way. A few weeks ago his mom was reading him a story and Ethiopia was mentioned.

She said something like “Remember that is where Mita and Enu are from.”

Nephew: “No, they are from Uncle Hubby and Aunt Mandy.”

Mom: “Uncle Hubby and Aunt Mandy adopted them from Ethiopia.”

Nephew: “They are adopted?”

He then proceeds to inform others in our family that Mita and Enu are adopted. Over Thanksgiving he lets Elle know that her sisters are adopted. Elle of course knows this, but nephew is having a hard time getting it.

We are laughing, not at him but more at his refreshing point of view on life. He didn’t see the color differences.

I later told Mita and Enu this story. They had the sweetest smiles and laughter. Mita tells me, “I love that boy!”. They were so pleased.

While I believe in celebrating diversity and cultures and not in being colorblind, I cannot help but dream that everyone would just see my Ethiopian girls as girls and not brown/black girls. Just as Meg and Elle are not seen as white/peach girls, just girls.

I wonder if I will be writing similar post decades from now about my grandchildren?

Hermione, Bella and Katniss

Books I Have Read, Entertainment, Parenting No Responses »

Nov 192011

I received a thought-provoking comment on my Hermione post from By Word of Mouth Musings last week. She mentioned that her daughter admired Hermione from the Harry Potter series, but didn’t identify with Bella from the Twilight series. This got me thinking about the two characters that I have fallen in literary love with and then I had to throw Katniss from The Hunger Games into the mix. What characteristics would I like my daughters to look up to and which ones do I hope they pass over?

Hermione

Years before I read Harry Potter I had had a mom at the hospital name her daughter Hermione and I thought she was a little weird to do that, I must confess. Then when I started reading the series and actually got to know her character a bit more I became to admire her greatly and totally agreed with the name choice of the mother I had met years before! Who doesn’t want their kid to be Hermione-Amazing?

Hermione is extremely intelligent and she is not apologetic for it in the least. Along with her smarts, she is brave and clever and can always come up with a plan. She has patience (poly juice potion takes a long time to make you know) and grit and can rock a Yule Ball dress. Her cause of championing the enslaved house elves showed she is a pure at heart.

Born a witch she could have gone to Hogwarts and aced the OWLS and NEWTS and become one successful professor. She, however, stood by Harry and Ron and kicked some butt! It is hard for me to find a criticism about Hermione. She was a bit precocious in her younger days, but who wouldn’t be with that brain?!

Bella

I first read Twilight after the first movie came out. I had not heard of the Twilight Saga, nor had I seen the movie, but my friend Julia gave me the book to read and I finally read it. I fell head over heels with the series and though I agree the writing could be better, the story was an intriguing one. I liked Bella. She reminded me of me a bit. Quite, not wanting to bring attention to herself thinking of others.

While I liked Bella, I made Meg wait until the sixth grade to read the first two books. I then let her read Eclipse, the third book, with some pages off-limits. I did this for a few reasons. One the sex, or I should say the topic of sex was a little too much for her to read. Also I didn’t like how Bella was so intently dependent on Edward, how he was so possessive to the point of controlling of her. As an adult I can handle this of course, but I didn’t want Meg to think this was a healthy relationship to have.

Through the series, Bella has gained confidence, courage and she has grown in to her character. Unlike Hermione, she was pure human, a muggle if you will, and got to choose her future. Bella is steadfast, determined and brave. Those are good qualities that I would love my girls to model.

She is also unable to be alone and that is not a good trait at all, that scares me a bit actually. I want my girls to be independent and I want them to find love of course, but not to have to have it.

Katniss

The Hunger Games was a thrilling read for me. My heart immediately went out to Katniss and her plight. Even before she was put in the spotlight, she was a tough provider for her family. Brave and unwavering with amazing nerve in a crisis I can only hope I would act as cool as her.

She does have a sadness about her that goes so deep I don’t think she will ever recovery fully. I certainly hope my girls can recover from any sadness they have or will encounter. Like Bella, she is totally human with no super powers or magic to aid her in her quests.

Her self-sacrifice is genuine, but unlike Bella it comes from a need to protect her family and not the need to not be alone.

So there you have it. My thoughts on the three most popular young women in young adult fiction. I know the world was waiting for my synopsis!

What do you think of the ladies I spoke about. Do you let your daughters read the books and use them as a jump off point for discussions?

Puberty? WTH

A Mom's Job, Health and Hygiene, NaBloPoMo, Parenting, Teendom No Responses »

Nov 032011

I was at the gyno’s today trying to figure out the date of my last period. I used to be so on the ball with things like that, but don’t worry about it much now since I don’t worry about being pregnant. While I was looking at the calendar I could tell you my daughters’ cycles better than my own.

It is a weird thing having maturing daughters. Not bad, just weird. I am rather matter of fact with body functions (see my RN credentials) and thus have passed this on to my girls a bit. It seems all they talk about at times are boobs and pads and it hits me that I am in a different time of life now. The baby-toddler-preschooler-first day of school phase is over for me. My baby (almost 7) was chopping carrots for dinner tonight. I’m concentrating on periods, bras and acne rather than sippy cups and Cheerios.

I have to adjust to this new parenting phase and stop hovering. I should do more talking and share more about my experiences rather than just giving orders. It’s hard. Hard for me and hard for the kids to be growing. I feel my control slipping and I don’t like that feeling.

The struggle I deal with is that I am so afraid I will mess it all up. There is no do-overs in parenting and that is why my normally easy-going personality hit the road when I became mom.

Hubby is handling this “the girls are growing up” well. Better than I am actually. He’s an amazing dad. I would have died to talk to my dad about periods and my girls know they can go to him if they need something or are having a hard time. He takes it all in stride, which cannot be easy sometimes. He grew up with four brothers and now has four daughters. Life is funny that way.

Have you hit a different place in the parenting timeline that has been a struggle? Are you dreading your child hitting puberty or looking forward to watching them grow? Any words of advice are always appreciated!

Artwork Credit

Kids Book Review: You Read To Me, I’ll Read To You

A Mom's Job, Adoption, All you need is love!, Books I Have Read, Homeschooling, Moments with Elle, Moments with Enu, Parenting, Reviews 3 Responses »

Sep 142011

Yesterday on our weekly trip to the library I found a fun new book that I thought Elle and I would enjoy. It turns out that Enu is in love with it and *bonus* it is a great bonding tool. The book is called You Read to Me, I’ll Read to You: Very short stories to read together by Mary Ann Hoberman and illistrated by Michael Emberly.

Elle is an emergent reader, reading on her own a bit, but still needing help. Reading with her can be fun or can be tedious depending on her level of stubborness at the time! What is so great about this book is that we are reading short lines together, which keeps her (and me) from getting bored. There are mostly rhymes which is great for new readers and writers and the book gets silly which means fun! Fun while reading is so important when they are young. We can’t make it a chore.

As I mentioned in a previous post, one of the reasons for homeschooling Enu was to give her some one on one time that she missed when she was little. This book offers a fun and easy way to spend that precious time with her. She missed the fairy tales and rhyming books. She missed the silly reading stories. She adores this book. We have reserved the other titles in the series: Very Short Fairy Tales and Very Short Mother Goose Tales and I am hoping to get them in time for vacation.

I get happy when I find something with multi-uses and this book fits the bill. I encourage all parents of emergent readers or parents of older-adopted children to check this book out at your library and give it a try.

Have you read this book with your kids? Is reading time bonding time for you all as well?

(Disclosure: I recieved no compenstation for reviewing this book, nor was I asked to review it. I borrowed my copy from the library. Amazon links are not affiliate links and I will not get any money from them.)

Art Credit

Age Doesn’t Equal Maturity

A Mom's Job, Adoption, Parenting, Teendom 1 Response »

Sep 082011

I wish it would stay as simple as push me mom!

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I am trying to blog a bit more about raising my girls into the teen years. One theme that continues to bubbling in the house is age. The kids think that once they reach a certain age they will get certain privileges or if a sister got to do something when she was 10 then I will get to do the same thing at age 10.

I have a feeling that this is a common theme for most of us and in the average family setting an age to date, drive, go on a work trip with daddy may work. For our family it does not. Parenting four very different girls, two with a traumatized past, throw in a flux of birth order and twinning and whammo: I cannot do the normal. It doesn’t matter if Meg got to golf when she was 8 and Enu had to wait until 9. Turning 16 does not mean you will get your license. Show me you are responsible and then we will talk.

So what are our buzz words? Maturity and Responsibility. You may also hear some Follow-through or accountability come out of our mouths. So how are we measuring maturity? Behavior towards adults, ability to follow through a chore or assignment, completing commitments and a show of sound judgement. Kids if you are reading let me explain sound judgement. If you break a dish and leave the glass without telling me about it, you are not showing sound judgement. Sound judgement means you do not run away from something, but face it head on and know when to call an adult. It’s okay not to know everything. Asking for help shows us you are learning to be responsible, not asking for help when you need it is a sign that you have some issues still.

Rolling your eyes, talking back, mumbling meanness under your breath does not bode well for getting more privileges in this house.

One of my biggest pet peeves is blaming others and not taking responsibility for ones-self. I sometimes feel I am to hard on the girls. Then I go out into the world and realize that I wish others were as hard as I was. There is nothing worse than having a problem, reporting that problem and having the clerk/manager/owner do nothing but blame someone else.

This way of parenting brings out a lot of “That is not fair!” statements. It is tricky and heartbreaking to say no sometimes, but parenting isn’t easy and sometimes you have to say no, you are not ready for this yet. Will I have to tell that to a 16 year old wanting her license? I hope not, but I will if I have to. Will my child have a cell phone just because everyone else in her class got one in the fifth grade? Not if she cannot control her impulses and doesn’t demonstrate good phone manners, not to mention that our girls have no need for a cell phone at this time.

Show me. Prove to me you can handle it and I will gladly give you what you want. I don’t want to hold you back, I want to make sure you can fly baby girls! Fly and be ready to do the amazing things you are going to do for the world.

Do you have age milestones in your family? How does this work for you. What are your buzz words for teaching your kids to become responsible adults? Do you think my having older adopted kids mixed with some home-grown ones complicates things or is this universally difficult?!

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