Racing towards adult-hood :(

I have an amazing power that was only recently discovered. I don’t twitch when the word puberty is said. I not only don’t twitch, I get happy and love to talk about it with parents and girls.  Girls only. I have no idea about the boys.

Armed with this new super power I recently worked with a teen counselor and we put on a program for some local Girl Scouts. We held it around Valentines Day and called it Loving Your Growing Body. It was complete with snacks and door prizes and I have to say it was a huge success. I was elated afterwards that twenty girls ages 9-16 knew how and why their bodies were changing, that it was healthy and normal. Also that ten of them attended with their moms and the continuing conversation was started that day for some of them.

Remember that I always encourage parents that there is no “The Talk” if you  want to have healthy communication with your kids. There needs to be several small conversations over several years that make parents and kids comfortable with each other so that when and if a big topic or issue pops up, the scene is set for loving and supportive communication.

I am excited to be working on a similar program at the hospital where I work. I want to develope a program for girls to attend with their mom/grandmas.  I believe that knowledge is power. Girls (and boys of course, though I know nothing about them and frankly they scare me sometimes!) armed with the knowledge that they are healthy and normal are going to make better decisions. I hope they will delay having sex, will feel better about themselves and not take abuse, have open communication with parents.  I feel that the current programs that are in place for this age group are very lacking in that they do not encourage communication with family and when it comes down to it the family is responsible for passing on their values and those values are what is going to form the child. If you are secretive about bodies with no communication your child will most likely have a lot of unanswered questions or obtain incorrect answers from other sources, this may lead to very bad choices.

At the end of the program the evaluations were all positive, I had one mom who wished I hadn’t talked so much about menstruation, but others were asking for more. They want a class on sex, a 16-year-old was asking good questions about  her cycle.  Kids want to know, they just need a trusting place to ask. Hopefully that place is at home.

To clarify here, there was no talk about sex or birth control.  Girl Scouts don’t go there as they are about empowering girls through fun and educational  program activities and building self-esteem.  This program was simply about feeling good about yourself and knowing the changes that happen to our bodies are normal.  The moms who stayed really loved it and learned things they needed to know about helping their daughters prepare for what is to come.

All of this said.  Only one of my own daughters came and she admitted it was just for the great goodie bag (several places and people donated beauty and hygiene items).  The older two helped me put together the packets and said that they had seen it all. I am mom. They don’t want to watch me talk about boobs and pads to other kids. I get that. Frustration was felt, but I get that.  My baby at age seven is not ready for a class like this and I am happy about that. I want kids to be kids as long as they can.

Just today my almost ten-year-old was asking why her butt was so big when she was only a kid.  My answer was truthful. “Your butt isn’t big, it’s a woman’s butt.  Your body is going on 16 while your mind is about 8 or 9.  One day your mind and body will even out, but until then the process can be trying.”  No easy answers, but compassion and understanding and hopefully we will get through this one-day!

Last Tuesday I was the patient, and let me tell you it is very different.  I felt flustered at times,surreal at other times (like, this didn’t just happen) and the pain. Well, surgical pain is different from other pain…hmm.

I had a great experience at the hospital and with my nurses and doctors.  I firmly state that breast reduction should not be done on an outpatient basis, but that is an insurance argument not one with my doctor.  My discharge nurse told me that penis surgery, such as rods or implants are not done outpatient.  Bitterly she said this.  Bitterly I took this.  My hubby and my mom took over and did everything for me the first two days and I did well, but I feel for those without great support systems.

Ha. Support systems.  Yeah, my surgical bra is quite the support system. I will be buying more for sure and it could be a few months before I actually spend money on a real, honest to goodness bra.   The swelling is that crazy.

So coming from the other side of the curtain I have learned how to ask for help, and to make sure you have someone there to remember things, as I didn’t remember much.

I’m sore, but healing, tired by healthy. Thanks all for the prayers and good thoughts. I don’t know how often I will blog. At this point I cannot even read for long periods of time without drifting off to sleep!

We seem to giggle at the pudginess, get exasperated with buying more clothes, talk about how they are growing up too fast - like it is a bad thing.  Or sometimes we don’t say anything about it at all, which can be worse.

What we should do and often don’t do, is tell the girls that this is normal.  During puberty girls can gain thirty to fifty pounds.  Their bodies are getting ready for a change and our body fat needs to increase to hold the estrogen needed.  This is a lot of weight in a relatively short period of time.  It is hard for us as parents to watch our girls growing up, but it is even more difficult for the girls themselves to live through.

So how can we help our daughters, and ourselves, during this time of growth and transition?  Words.  Simple words starting when you start to see changes in them, or even before if it comes up in conversation.

“I am in such awe of how beautiful you are becoming.”

“You are growing up, it is a pleasure to watch you become a young lady.”

“That shirt looks nice on you.  Maybe we should get a bra to wear under it, for a smoother appearance.  What a lady you are becoming.”

“Let’s try another size, you are blossoming!” (Seriously, this line made one of girls smile with pleasure- she loved that I had noticed.)

I am being honest, saying these things are helpful, they may just not seem like it.  Remember, the girls will roll their eyes and say things like “You have to say that you are my mom.”  Conversation and loving support is always a good thing. Getting Dads to be supportive is a wonderful thing to do as well.  They don’t have to talk about bras, but hugs and complements from their father can mean a lot to a young girl.

There are still going to be moments of tears, it is a good chance they will talk about dieting, not liking how they look and of hating themselves.  We have to be the voice of reason.  Remind them to look around at school, notice the other girls and how they are changing to.  Remind them that this is a normal, natural development, but that everyone grows differently and at their own pace.  I will give you a link to a great book I reviewed last year about girls and their body image.

And be prepared to spend a bundle on clothes, they will grow out of their pants overnight!

I have been using some homeopathic products from Boiron for several years now and I was excited when the company was at BlogHer11 as they had been in 2010.  I love the ColdCalm and the ColdCalm for kids, as well as the famous Oscillococcinum^{® (please don’t ask me to pronounce that!)}   The company recently asked me to review their new Arnicare Arnica Gel and I gladly have.

Arnica is an age old treatment made from  a plant related to a daisy. It is helpful in aches and pains promotes healing and prevents bruising.  An all-around helpful product to have around with a growing household!

My kids have aches and pains like they are ninety. They play rough and bruise hard. Me, myself have back aches often as well. I really like the Arnica Gel. It is non-greasy, is unscented without smelling of medicine and works.

Boiron is a company I feel like I can get behind, because of their helpful products, the education their site offers and the fact that they are giving! They donated a case of Arnicare Arnica Gel to our local women’s shelter!  I was so pleased when they agreed to this.  Haven of Hope will be quickly given the case so they can pass it out to women who are starting over,  and possibly injured and in need of healing themselves.

Thanks Boiron!

To get a $1.00 off coupon click here. To subscribe to Boiron’s newsletter go here.

It is a weird thing having maturing daughters.  Not bad, just weird.  I am rather matter of fact with body functions (see my RN credentials) and thus have passed this on to my girls a bit. It seems all they talk about at times are boobs and pads and it hits me that I am in a different time of life now. The baby-toddler-preschooler-first day of school phase is over for me. My baby (almost 7) was chopping carrots for dinner tonight. I’m concentrating on periods, bras and acne rather than sippy cups and Cheerios.

I have to adjust to this new parenting phase and stop hovering. I should do more talking and share more about my experiences rather than just giving orders. It’s hard. Hard for me and hard for the kids to be growing. I feel my control slipping and I don’t like that feeling.

The struggle I deal with is that I am so afraid I will mess it all up. There is no do-overs in parenting and that is why my normally easy-going personality hit the road when I became mom.

Hubby is handling this “the girls are growing up” well.  Better than I am actually. He’s an amazing dad. I would have died to talk to my dad about periods and my girls know they can go to him if they need something or are having a hard time.  He takes it all in stride, which cannot be easy sometimes. He grew up with four brothers and now has four daughters. Life is funny that way.

Have you hit a different place in the parenting timeline that has been a struggle?  Are you dreading your child hitting puberty or looking forward to watching them grow? Any words of advice are always appreciated!

Artwork Credit

We all want to help out with the breast cancer cause and a lot of us are getting tired of just buying and wearing pink. We want to do something more.  Joining the Army of Women is a direct way that you can possibly help out in breast cancer research. I have been a member for about a year now and every once in a while a email is sent to me with a new study they need help with.  These studies can range from sending in a breast milk sample to filling out a form. Easy stuff to more time consuming, but you are not required to do anything you don’t want to do or cannot do.  I have not qualified for any of the studies thus far, but I am optimistic because if I can help out in some way Army of  Women is going to let me know about it.

So how about it? Join up and possibly save lives, feel productive and do a good turn!

When Meg was a baby I went a bit overboard at times on protecting her. I kept her from playing and having fun in the name of safety.  I have slowly come to terms with the fact that I cannot keep my kids from germs, viruses or worse.  The world is a dirty place and we have amazing immune system that needs exposure to work at its finest.

One of the ways I came to this conclusion happened when I took Meg to a impromptu Doctors appointment. She was sick and I hadn’t scrubbed her from top to bottom before the visit as I normally did to prove I was an amazing parent with a perfectly clean child (you know you do this too so don’t judge me!).  I was ashamed of Meg’s dirty toes and apologizing for them when the nurse said, “We want toes to look like that. We call it summer feet and it tells us that your child plays like a kid should.”  That comment started me thinking about all the things I used to do as a kid and how letting Meg have a bit more freedom with playing in the dirt might be a good thing.

A couple of days ago I read a post on BlogHer.  It was a well written, well-meaning piece about the condition of our nation’s indoor play-places and how filthy they are.  I agree with everything this mom did and said, but as I mentioned in the comment section, I was surprised that she was surprised. She toured this play ground tube as if she was exploring a different planet and went on and on about the dirt and what was growing in the play place. I couldn’t help but wonder how this women has lived to be so amazed at grime and dirt.  Of course it was appalling, and no I would  not let me kids play in a obviously nasty place like she showed,however, the stuff she found growing on the tubes can just as easily be growing on her child’s school bus or on her own skin. Germs, viruses and bacteria are everywhere. You cannot hide from them.

Meg is now twelve (next month anyway). I have three more kids.  With each child I’ve become a bit more relaxed with the germ thing.  I do want them to be clean and healthy of course, but I don’t go into anxiety mode with a trip to an especially dirty bathroom anymore.

A few things I do make the girls do:  Wash their hands when they come home from school or the store and before eating.  They learned as soon as they were tall enough to squat on a public toilet rather than sit on it.  I do have to say that I used to carry a Clorox spray bottle in my diaper bag and I would clean the toilet seat when they were potty training.  If  I am on my game I clean the door handles regularly.  They also have Kleenex in their backpacks as well as alcohol based hand sanitizer for when they are away from soap and water. Remember that alcohol based sanitizer without the triclosan are best as the bacteria doesn’t become resistant to alcohol like they might with  the triclosan, but watch the alcohol use with small kids who suck thumbs and fingers!

There is plenty of support for  the dirt is good mantra, they are just a google away.  Our hyper-clean society is breeding sicker kids with asthma and allergies as well as poor immune systems.  I like this article from 2009.  That and similar works have helped many overcome our out of control germ fears.

If I was superstitious I wouldn’t write this next sentence. My kids are healthy kids.  Normal, healthy kids with bumps, bruises, summer toes and great immune systems.  They get normal colds occasionally.  Elle has mongo-sized tonsils and just got her second episode of tonsillitis (in her life).  Normal kids stuff.   Hopefully they will remain healthy and will be able to fight off the nasty stuff they will be exposed to in life.

There is nasty crap (literally crap) everywhere, even if you cannot see it, and our first line of defense is our skin. Then our nose and ear hairs and digestive juices, if germs get past these defenses our immune system kicks in. The more our bodies have been exposed to the better our immune system is equipped to fight the intruder. If our kids are not exposed to dogs, cats, dust and a bit of dirt and grime their immune system isn’t as strong.

My best advice. Let the kids play. Let them kiss the dog and run around barefoot. Play hard, wash hands and feed them well.  That is all.

(Photo Credit)

Yes, we have another topic to cover in order to parent our kids correctly.  Not only are we having to talk about sex, alcohol and drugs, but we must talk about sexting and texting while driving.  The check list just keeps getting longer. The good news is that we no longer have to talk to our kids about pulling out the ribbons on cassette tapes or wasting film by opening up the backs of camera.

Let’s look at some statistics shall we:

•  45% of teens admit to texting and driving but only 4 percent of parents believe their teens have ever texted while driving. (LG Stats)
• Drivers who type or read text messages contribute to at least 100,000 crashes each year, leading to thousands of preventable deaths. (FocusDriven.org)

Numbers don’t lie and we mustn’t lie to ourselves.   Our kids learn best by example. We have to make sure we are not texting while driving and using our cell phones carefully when we are behind the wheel.  We can tell them a million times not to text and drive, but if they see us do it: Our words don’t mean anything!

In San Diego , MomOutnumbered and I got to go to a fun cocktail party hosted by LG with spokesperson Jane Lynch.  On top of being a party with amazing food and drinks, we got the 411 (do kids still say that?) on texting and driving as well as what some of the letters that our kids use frequently mean.  4COL I learned a lot.  The LG site  is not only a great resource on texting and driving but it goes into sexting, bullying and also on how we as parents can use the texting technology to help us in our parenting. It is an easy site to navigate and is worth a few minutes to read I promise!

MomOutnumbered

On a personal note: Jane autographed a picture for Mita and read the letter Mita had written her and given to me to give to Jane. (Mita is in love with Jane, I don’t know why, I don’t let her watch Glee  (story lines are a bit racey for an eleven year old) but Mita is celebrity obsessed so…) Mita is head over heels happy and I thank Jane for being so kind, I almost WMPL I was so happy.

So, tell the truth. Do you still text and drive?  Have your kids called me on it?  Mita has insisted she saw me do it once, I don’t remember honestly, but never again!

2G2B4G = To good to be forgotten

4COL = For crying out loud

WMPL = Wet my pants laughing

(Disclosure:  I was not asked to write about LG or this event, but the subject matter is important for all of us and I was happy to share what I had learned. I did not receive any compensation for this post, but the party really did have great coconut shrimp!)

Why do we need a World Breastfeeding Week?  Most of us in the states see breastfeeding as a nice thing to do (if you can) and are supportive of each other, as long as we don’t see if happen (the horror).  I don’t believe it is necessarily seen as the important, healthy, preventive necessary thing that it is.

A few items to share with you:

• Breastmilk is a living substance. It is full of active antibodies and nutrition that changes with the weather as well as what mom and baby are exposed to. Formula doesn’t come close and it never will, no matter what the millions of dollars in advertisments tell you.  I say this not to make people feel guilty, but to just simply state the facts.  We have to stop thinking that they are interchangable.

• Breast feeding saves money. Lots of it!   Look at these numbers!

The Economic Benefits of Breastfeeding: A Review and Analysis by Jon Weimer. ERS Food Assistance and Nutrition Research Report No. 13. 20 pp, March 2001.

“A minimum of $3.6 billion would be saved if breastfeeding were increased from current levels (64 percent in-hospital, 29 percent at 6 months) to those recommended by the U.S. Surgeon General (75 and 50 percent). This figure is likely an underestimation of the total savings because it represents cost savings from the treatment of only three childhood illnesses: otitis media, gastroenteritis, and necrotizing enterocolitis. This report reviews breastfeeding trends and previous studies that assessed the economic benefits of breastfeeding.”

• The newborns intestines are meant to be lined in colostrum (first breastmilk) to keep bacteria and infections in the baby.  Formula irritates the fragile lining, which causes small bleeding patches on the intestine.  The baby is then exposed to proteins, and foods to early which can lead to food allergies, and possibly eczema and Diabetes.

 What we need to do is start thinking of breastfeeding as The normal way to feed your baby. Not the extra-special, gold medal goal for you and your baby, but the normal. We have put breastfeeding up on a pedestal that makes it seem like a great thing, but not something everyone can achieve. The truth is 99% of woman can breast feed. 92% can provide a full milk supply. I’ve worked with the few  mother’s when it truly doesn’t work out and it is heartbreaking for them.  There are always exceptions to the rules of nature and I have never and will never admonish a mom for not breastfeeding. I will, however, not act as is formula is just as good or even a close second.

Breastfeeding has value. Support your friends and relatives who are breastfeeding. Don’t shy away from them when they are nursing, cheer them on! Don’t make them feel guilty because you cannot feed the baby a bottle or slip the baby a bottle when mom is sleeping.  Don’t tell them to wean just because the baby has teeth.  And please no telling  an expectant mom or nursing mom horror stories about nursing. Just cheer them on and do the dishes for them!

When you think of World Breastfeeding Week what pops to mind? Warm, fuzzy feelings, annoyance or indifference?

Meg's BFF

During my senior year of school I donated blood for the first time. I was so excited to do something so important.  About an hour later, I apparently turned green in Biology class and remember my teacher holding my hand while they waited for the wheelchair.  He was telling everyone that reactions like this to blood donations are all in your head. That I really wasn’t ill.  I can tell you that I fibbed a bit on the weight so I probably shouldn’t have given at all that day.  You have to be 110 pounds to donate and I was about 100 at that time (oh the days).  Sure I lied, but I wanted to give. To help. To save a life. Corney maybe, but true.

Picture hating Mita

The other day I got an email asking to get some of my Girl Scouts to help volunteer at a local blood drive.  They needed the girls to walk around the Farmer’s Market and get people to go to the Bloodmobile parked on the street.

I used to work for the American Red Cross over a decade ago (yikes!). I took blood from volunteers.  During my time  I was so impressed with people of all walks of life donating blood, in essence giving life. While walking around the market last week talking to people, it amazed me of the responses from people.

“It hurts to bad.”

“I need my blood.”

“No one wants my blood.”

Worse were some of the looks people gave us without bothering to even use words.

The girls walked a lot and moved out of their comfort zone, learning how to make a “pitch” and asking people to donate. It is not easy. We came up with a few jingles that we didn’t use, but got a good laugh over.  One was “Lose some weight, Donate today.” Another was ” Save Bella, Donate today.”  Good times!

I thought I would share a few facts to help encourage others to donate blood:

*Every blood donation has the potential to help (possibly save the life) of three different people.

*It will take about an hour of your time.

*All needles used are new, clean, safe.(Yes, some people are still afraid of getting AIDS from giving blood)

* It really isn’t painful. Just a stab at first…come on a little poke. It’s more painful to have a splinter dug out!

Check out if you are eligible  to give.  Here is a great page to learn about blood, it even has games!

I encourage you all to think about donating blood in the next few months. Not all of us are able to due to health conditions and such, but if you can, please give it a try.

Have you ever donated blood? What were your thoughts about the process and how did you feel afterwards?  I am scheduled to donate at BlogHer11 in a couple of weeks, after the 5K run thankfully!

Don’t forget to enter my contest!

(I am not affilated with the American Red Cross, nor was I asked to blog about this. I just like the idea of helping others!)