I have to show off my Mother’s Day spoils here!  No breakfast in bed, as I got up before the kids (hahaha) but I did get to watch the morning news while eating this:

I also got and acrostic poem written in my honor:

 And the cutest set of hands that have ever made a heart:

 Meg, Enu and Elle accompanied me and my mom to a fun mom and me event at The Wilds. The Wilds is an amazing conservation  park where you can see animals in a natural way, no fences for most of them!  We had a great time and got to pet a few animals that we normally wouldn’t pet: a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach, a possum, a gray fox and a corn snake.

Top my day  off with homemade lasagna from Meg and my Dad and I had quite the nice day ;) I hope yours was blessed as well.

 

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I have an almost 13-year-old that is bringing the whole social media thing and her use of it to my forefront.  I  have several ideas running through my head on how to approach this, but I still have time.  I don’t think I am in denial, I just like to procrastinate. Ask Hubby if you don’t believe me.

Meg (said almost thirteen year old) has a blog. She started it not quite a year ago and reviews books, movies and a few random posts. She is an obsessive reader, likes to write and is currently writing her first novel, which I find amazing, I know I am a her mom, but it is amazing.  From time to time though she gets writers block and for some reason thinks it is my responsibility to help her through it.  This conversation just happened this morning:

Meg:  Mom, I don’t know what to write for my next blog. Tell me what to write. (Read in a whiny voice).

Mom: Write about Earth Day, write about your Silver Award project.

Meg:  I’ve tried and I cannot. I’ve tried and tried.

Mom:  Just start writing and throw out your first paragraph, a lot of writers do that.

Meg: I can’t, tell me what to write! (whiney voice is louder and more annoying)

Mom: (Watching a TV commercial about cars) Write about how you feel when you start daddy’s car in the morning. It could be a good father’s day gift for him.

Meg:  (Silence)

Mom:  (….ah silence)

This is what she came up with When I Start The Car.  I think she did a great job sharing her emotions and I am very happy that I was able to help her out for once. Maybe now she’ll listen to me sooner, but I doubt it.

 It is times like these that make me think she may be ready to dip her toe in the tumultuous ocean of social media.  Not because writing a good blog makes you savvy to the ways of Facebook, but because she has demonstrated that she can share her feelings effectively to the world (or me).  She writes, she proofreads, she edits. 

She recently sent a text that hurt her friend’s feelings. We were able to talk about how texting and emails don’t show the emotions that your voice does.  You cannot say somethings with a text. It’s just not done. A painful lesson, but on a smaller scale thankfully.  I cannot help but mourn for the girls who have texted much worse to people such as inappropriate pictures.  Our children have the whole world in their hands, literally. The power they have is daunting, yet we seem to let them treat it way too lightly.

To many I may be over thinking the social media thing. I may seem obsessive or over-protective with my kids. I cannot help but be careful with my girls though.  Social media is the way of the world.  Bosses are checking your Facebook page.  Colleges are tracking your movements.  Your social media footprint follows you much like your credit score, and  you have to protect it.  On top of that you have crazy people trying to meet with your children in hotel rooms (we have one of those down the street).

 I hope when Meg clicks post on Facebook she looks at her post not as a brief update on what she is doing after school, but as a little piece of her that she is sharing with the world. I hope she can look at it objectively and think “Does the world need to know this about me?” “Is this a safe thing to share?” “Would I share this with a stadium full of people?”  “Is this fair to other people?” “Will it hurt someone’s feelings?”  That is a lot of questions to go through someone’s mind, but with time and practice I think we can learn to take a double  look at our contributions to the world. Even if they are only 140 characters or a pin.

 

 

While it can sometimes be annoying to have certain days, weeks and months named for something (National  Ice Cream Day is great and all, but what about National Taco Day?), it really does serve a purpose to have time set aside to think more deeply on a subject.  Black History Month gives our schools the perfect chance add some colorful history to the normal curriculum (yeah, I know the curriculum should already have it…) and  World Breastfeeding Week is great at bringing the amazing thing that is breast milk to the forefront of people’s thoughts.  Earth Day is a great time to step back and evaluate our daily practices in helping sustain our Earth for the future generations. 

This week I want to write about simple and more in-depth ways that I, as a mom, wife, nurse and Girl Scout leader am trying to put a dent in my wasteful ways.  This is my Earth Day Pledge, or act, at least a part of it.  We are also cleaning up our local reservoir with Girl Scouts on Saturday.

Today I will congratulate myself on what I have accomplished:

  • As a household we have been recycling (by carting to a local center or curbside pick up) our trash for five years.
  • I have been reusing my favorite two water bottles for over two years now. I rarely drink from a disposable water bottle and when I do it is normally because it is at someone elses place.
  • I don’t forget my reusable bags anymore when I grocery shop! I forgot them for a very long time and it has finally become habit now.  I also carry bags in my purse and use them for everyday purchases or clothes shopping. It is amazing what you can get in a little bag! 
  • I recently bought the cutest re-usable containers for my girls’ lunch drinks to replace the chocolate milk/apple juice cartoons. This saves me money (buying a gallon is more cost-effective than buying six individual boxes) and waste.  You have to get good ones or the leaking frustrates you!
  • I have been using re-usable sandwich and snack bags for about four years now.  I still do use some plastic baggies when I am not caught up on laundry but give myself a B+ in ditching the plastic baggies.
  • I keep the  heat down lower in the winter months. I admit that I used to crank it up a bit high at times, but now I am better at just putting socks or a sweatshirt on to stay warm.  I also did this when I heard that families stay healthier when the heat isn’t used as much.  I think this is true as it keeps the dust down and the rotation of germs!
  • We talk about recycling and being Earth Friendly a lot in Girl Scouts. It is so much easier for this generation as they are growing up knowing that it is important to not be wasteful. As an eighties child, it seemed all about more and what was convenient than anything else.
  • I love to shop consignment or second-hand stores.  You never know what a good deal you may get. I scored a beautiful, like new dress for Enu the other day for $1.09!  She looks great in it, it saved me money and it didn’t end up in a landfill. Win, Win, Win I say.
  • I also congratulate myself on nursing my two bio babies and am pleased that my other girls were most likely breastfed as well.  Great for the Earth not to have formula containers or plastic liners :)

So now that I am full of myself I will focus on my goals to improve my efforts and become more natural with using less, re-using more and in general being a better steward of my Earth.

That, my friend, is for tomorrow!  Check out this site and make your own pledge.

 

I must tell you that the knee-jerk reaction I have when I think of my kids joining social media is no, absolutely not, never and lets just not even go there.  Why do I feel this way?  Well, it is just one more thing to monitor for one, and I just don’t need anything else to my list to check on.  My daughters also see their friends five days a week if not more, so  they are not lacking socialization.

My oldest daughter, Meg, does think it is somwhere she needs to go. Hmm. Now I have to do that parenting thing and not the dictatorship thing that comes to naturally and makes my life that much more easy.  Meg will be the magic 13 this October and is already being strategic about getting onto Facebook as 13 is the legal age to have a Facebook account.  I will repeat, Facebook allows you to have an account when you are 13. I repeated that because many parents don’t know this or don’t care about this rule.  I recently learned that everyday Facebook kicks off around 100,000 underage kids.  It irritates me that parents allow and encourage their kids to break the rules.  Go ahead, teach your kids that rules don’t apply to them, we need more entitled kids in this world (sarcasm).

I have noticed that many of Meg’s friends are on Facebook (underage) and even have open to the public accounts. Not even the basics of safety have been undertaken.  That scares me.  Are we just ignorant as a society or in total denial that bad things can happen to our children?

Okay, back to my own house. I know  my kids will be exposed to social media at some point,  Actually they are already on Yoursphere network.  I love Yoursphere and have tried to get Meg’s friends on it so they can talk and be social online together in a safe place, but it didn’t take. The kids were already on Facebook.  I even recommended it to the middle school principle and PTO as a fundraiser and a solution to the social media problem at the school.  No go.  This at a school that at the orientation spent the majority of the time talking about “mean girls” and social media problems that they were having with behavior.

At a recent Girl Scout event they offered a Hip Pop session for parents/leaders covering social media basics.  The one thing I really took away is that we want our kids to be innovators of social media/computer not just consumers.  Meaning we want our kids to learn and create things not just stare at a screen. He suggested that we get our kids blogging, making movies, even writing apps.  I was pleased that Meg already fits in this category with her blog.

To sum up this all over the place post, I am working towards a plan to raise media savy kids who are productive in our techy climate.  I will share my plans and ask many questions on this quest.

I have a headache already. Why can’t they just stay little and be happy with a few places?

 

Don’t forget to enter my St. Patrick’s Day giveaway! Ends March 11, 2012

 

Enu came home yesterday all excited about the time line project assigned to her class. She has to have at least 3 pictures and 5 events on her timeline including birth and present day.

I honestly don’t remember Mita doing this assignment last year, but I do remember Meg doing it. This makes me wonder if it was assigned to Mita and she didn’t make a big deal about it or if she kept the assignment on the down-low because it was a big deal to her.  Hmm. I must go through the projects I kept from last year and see if I can find it.

Back to yesterday.  I told Enu that I would have to get on the computer and order prints as we are a digital family and I rarely have extra prints hanging around.  We discussed what pictures she wanted and what her events on the time line were going to be:

1- Birth in Ethiopia – She wanted a baby picture of her and her dad that we have.

2- Mom dying when she was 3.

So when she mentioned this I gently said,”Honey, if you put this down people are going to ask you about it.”  She shrugged and said that it was fine.

3- Adoption and movie to the USA.

4- Disneyworld for the first time.

5- Being at 4th grader.

I am planning on supporting her wishes, but I am also going to have a back up picture in case she changes her mind at the last-minute. I will also let her teacher know what is coming so she isn’t put on the spot.

I applaud her for being truthful and authentic in her project. I admire her strength for acknowledging what she has done through. I am so worried that this may trigger something and she will have a bad experience at school.  I’m running this by Hubby to see what he thinks.

I think this will also be a lesson-learner for the other kids in the class.  Not everyone has an all-happy timeline to share, even 9 year olds.  That said I hate that my children seem to be the models for adoption and diversity at school as that is a lot of pressure on a kid.  If anyone out there has traveled this path I would love some advice!

 

The second book I choose to read for the 2012 Adoption Book Challenge is a fiction one titled,When the Black Girl Sings, written by Bil Wright, published in 2008 for young adults and picked as a Junior Library Guild Selection.

I hope that Mita and Meg will read this book as it speaks to their age and I think Mita can identify with the main character, Lahni.  Of course I can not push it on them to forcefully or it will come right back. The joys of having twelve year old girls!

A quick plot review:  Lahni is a tranracially adopted, only child who is fourteen years old. Her parents are white and she goes to an elite private school where she is the only student of color.  It seems her main goal in life is to not be noticed and she ends up being put in the spotlight without her asking to be.  Along the way she deals with divorcing parents, an older boy who is threatening, dealing with normal school issues and trying to find her voice.  She also developed some new relationships with adult African Americans and this makes a big impact on her.

As a mother to two trans-racially adopted children there were a few parts of the book that made me feel triumphant, as I am a much more open and affectionate mother than Lahni’s mom.  Here are a couple of lines where I felt this:

“Do you think I have a decent voice?”

“Of course I do. God knows where you get it from.  Certainly not your father or me.”

How could she be saying this. It is not as though she knows more than I do if my real mother or father were good singers.  But it was something my mom always did. Speak as though were were really one family, instead of me being apart of someone else’s.

The family dynamics demonstrated in the book showed that Lahni was very loved by her parents, but that they were distant enough to Lahni to sometimes think that they thought the adoption was a mistake.  While reading the book I would get irritated at some of the interactions of the family, but I do acknowledge  that her younger memories show a happier, close knit family. The strain of the divorce and Lahni becoming a teenager may be a couple of factors for the emptiness felt in this family. You can see both parents struggling and so can Lahni.

I have to wonder though, if the author is showing his experience or lack of experience with trans-racial adoption in this story, or if in fact this is just how he envisioned the story. I would love to talk to him and ask him.  I  hope that people don’t assume that trans-racial adoption, or any type adoption at all for that matter produces lack-luster affection in families or families who don’t address and celebrate their differences.

Any thoughts on this book if you have read it?  I really enjoyed it. I even sat in a Sears parking lot today reading it, because it was driving me nuts having it in my purse while I was running errands and I couldn’t finish it!  I love it when a book gets into me that way.

(Disclaimer:  I was not asked to read or review this book, I just wanted to for participation in the 2012 Adoption Reading Challenge hosted by Jenna.  Links are Amazon Affiliates.)

 

 

Dear World,

My kids do own clean clothes. They also have coats and gloves.  They own and have demonstrated proper use with a toothbrush and a hair comb.

I recently made a pledge to myself to send my children off to school with more love than nagging. Thus instead of my normal “It’s January in  Ohio, get over it and where your heavy coat” song and dance I have been trying to say things like, “Mommy loves you and doesn’t want you to be cold.” In a soft voice that is much like Mary Poppins or Ma Ingalls. 

This recent pledge has backed me into a corner and given me little room to maneuver or manipulate. So you may see my almost twelve year old wearing her pajama shirt today,”No one will know it’s a pajama top mom.” Says Her.  Little does she realize that everyone who has been to Walmart after Christmas and seen the 50% off pajama section will know.  I did complement the shiny, red sequined head band she is wearing with said pajama top.

I know that the announcements the schools send out go to everyone, but I see them as personal failures.

” Dear Parent, please make sure your children have appropriate cold weather wear so they can play outside.” 

“Dear School, I have provided cold weather outerwear for my kids and send them off to school with it.  Check the backpacks and pockets for the items you need that they say they don’t have.  I’m not sure why but my children feel the need to be cold. Please feel free to speak with them on this subject as they cannot hear my words on the subject, it must be a communication flaw.”

I’m not sure what I am doing wrong/different from the parents who get their kids to wear not only appropriate attire, but matching and cute attire as well.  Pants, shirts and  head bands that match and coordinate? How do you do such a thing? Is it genetic or maybe you torture your kids? Am I cursed because I refused to wear a dress for my mother from the ages of 3-14? Or maybe because I wore all black for three years and threatened to shave my head bald? Or maybe it is because I used to change at school into my shirts with skulls and crossbones that my mom wouldn’t let me wear? Or maybe it is because for a few years as a pre-schooler I claimed I was a boy? 

I hope the curse will end soon, or my kids will learn to like being clean and warm. Until then,  take pity on me and ignore what my children wear today to school.  Please?  I will owe you one.

Sincerely,

A mom who is trying not to nag

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Holidays are amazing wonderful and magical at times, and at other times they can be tragic and lonely.

I am blessed in that Christmas has always been  a special time, not one of loneliness or regret.  Of course, I have always been aware that the holidays can be hard for those who are grieving a loss of a loved one or for people who have no one to celebrate with. Being aware of and actually living through a holiday season grieving are acutely different.

While I cannot claim to know the loss that my Ethiopian girls have suffered, I  have lived with them for several holiday seasons now. We are about to celebrate our fourth Christmas as a family.  The first Christmas in 2008 wasn’t too rough as the girls as I kept a low profile Christmas and skipped a lot of the events that we normally do, although I did notice Mita was agitated at our Ethiopian Christmas celebration (January 7th or Epiphany) and even left our meal prematurely.

The past two Christmas seasons have seen an escalation in emotions, misbehaviors and outbursts.  Sadness that they will not be celebrating Christmas with their father is evident as they make Christmas cards for him and help make his annual photo book.

It doesn’t matter that in Ethiopia they may have received one outfit and some popcorn for Christmas, that Santa would skip over their house. It doesn’t matter that they wouldn’t have a tree with an iPod or American Girl doll underneath.  He is not with them and that is what matters.

Remember that no matter how wonderful your adoption has been, there is still a loss there that needs to be recognized.  December is a month for families and when your family has been fractured it cannot be ignored.

I encourage us all to remember those who have suffered a loss this year or in years passed.  Let us be gentle with them in our celebrations.

 

I adore Christmas, I’m sure I have mentioned that fact before, but I really do.  Growing up Christmas was just magically. We didn’t have a lot of toys, we didn’t do Christmas crafts or go on holiday jaunts, but it was still magical.

My brother and I started a tradition of waking up in the middle of the night and pulling everything out of our stockings and seeing our big gift from Santa. Santa always brought the big gift.  A big plus for in our house is that Santa did not wrap his gifts! That is how we knew the gift was from Santa.

What I didn’t realize was that Santa wrapped other kids’ gifts.When I found this out I was no longer a believer, so it didn’t matter.

Then I got married and had kids.  Hubby’s Santa did wrap!  He wrapped the big gift and the stocking stuffers!  It was a time for copermise and Hubby’s side won!

Santa wraps at our house now. I help him get special gift wrap so that his are different looking than ours…..this parenting stuff is so complicated!

There is my five minutes of Stream Of Consciousness about Santa Wrapping!  Life changing I know! Does your Santa wrap?

 

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post at AllThingsFadra.com
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

 

 

Enu and Hubby at a Father-Daughter Dance in 2009

We are a trans-racial adoptive family.  While I tend to forget this at times, Mita and Enu never have that luxury.  From the get go the girls have always said brown and peach so that is what we say.  One of the first days Enu rode home on the school  bus she asked me why a boy was calling her black when she wasn’t black she was brown.  I had to explain to her that the work black was used to describe people with all different shades of brown.  She was puzzled.

The other morning I heard this conversation from another room (remember I have librarian ears).

Elle:  Does white mean peach?

Mita:  Yes, like brown means black.

Elle:  Oh, so you used to be black and now you are brown?

Enu:  Elle, let’s just forget this conversation. (She doesn’t say this mean, she just doesn’t want to talk about it.)

So, Elle – who doesn’t remember life without her colorful family, is now realizing that we are seen as different and Mita and Enu – who cannot help put constantly be reminded that they are different.

And then there is my nephew.  Nine months younger than Elle, he was about two when we brought the girls home.  I guess no one ever talked to him about the adoption and so, much like Elle it has always been this way.  A few weeks ago his mom was reading him a story and Ethiopia was mentioned.

She said something like “Remember that is where Mita and Enu are from.”

Nephew: “No, they are from Uncle Hubby and Aunt Mandy.”

Mom: “Uncle Hubby and Aunt Mandy adopted them from Ethiopia.”

Nephew: “They are adopted?”

He then proceeds to inform others in our family that Mita and Enu are adopted.  Over Thanksgiving he lets Elle know that her sisters are adopted.  Elle of course knows this, but nephew is having a hard time getting it.

We are laughing, not at him but more at his refreshing point of view on life. He didn’t see the color differences.

I later told Mita and Enu this story. They had the sweetest smiles and laughter. Mita tells me, “I love that boy!”.  They were so pleased.

While I believe in celebrating diversity and cultures and not in being colorblind, I cannot help but dream that everyone would just see my Ethiopian girls as girls and not brown/black girls. Just as Meg and Elle are not seen as white/peach girls, just girls.

I wonder if I will be writing similar post decades from now about my grandchildren?

 

Every once in a while Enu will put out a box by her door and ask for donations to send to Ethiopia. We throw some coins in and she adds it to our coin jar that we save to send to Ethiopia around Christmas time. This is the great way to teach the kids that every penny counts and adds up.

The other day Elle hung this up on her door:

Translation: Please put money for Ethiopia.

This makes my heart swell with pride. I love my girls and that they give and have a heart for giving is amazing for me!

 

I’m having a rodent problem.  Hamsters to be more specific, not a rat infestation.  I bought two hamsters last May for the girls.  Mita didn’t want to have anything to do with them from the beginning, Meg was amused with them for a while, then said she was done. Elle is in love with them and Enu bought her own with her birthday money (huge mistake letting that happen) for a total of three hamsters.

Three. Ahhh.

So three hamsters. Two cages. Doable.

Then Phineas and Ferb started fighting.  Ferb took out Phineus’ hind leg and gnawed off the fur from his hind end. I thought for sure he would die from infection. Sad, but a nature thing, a lesson for the girls….but he didn’t die. He healed up when separated  from Ferb.  THREE CAGES.  Did I mention that Enu has lost interest and has tried to sell, then tried to give away her hamster (named Bob).  So cage cleaning time is not fun and it is not getting any funner.

We did, however, recently acquire another cage from a cousin hamster who died. It is a bigger cage and we have separated the two of them in the bigger cage so we are down to two cages. The den looks better already and Elle is really happy she doesn’t have to clean out two hamster cages anymore.

It was this drama I was complaining about just tonight to my brother and he had an answer, “Feed them Sprite.  They can’t fart so they die.”

What?!  I of course WOULD NEVER try and kill my kids’ pets, but I had to find out.  According to Veterinarian Google my little bro was right.  Hamsters, mice and rats do not express gas.  My guess is that it makes their insides burst, but I didn’t want to dig that deep into the subject.

So that just shows you that brothers are good for all kinds of great info, like how to kill your children’s animals.

Disclosure: If my  hamsters die in the next few days it is a total coincidence, I will not hurt them. I love the little boogers, even if they stink sometimes.

Oh yeah, Enu is still open to giving Bob away so let me know. We will throw in a box of food with the hamster and cage…it’s close to Christmas…pretty please…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit

 

 

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.  The goal of this declaration is to encourage the adoption of children in the Foster care system.  Most of these children are older children. Though we did not adopt through the Foster system, we did adopt older children and I try to be very honest about the blessings and the struggles of having done so.  Adoption should not be looked upon as an easy thing nor as an impossible thing. There are hidden challenges and miraculous surprises with adoption as well as some stories that may never be told.

A few months after Mita and Enu came home I had Enu in the bath tub.  She loved the tub and water and took long baths at that time.  I pointed to a scar on her knee and asked her how she got it. She told me in very broken English that she had been running at our agency’s home in Ethiopia and fell on the pavement.  It seems like a simple explanation, but  it was the first time I had asked her something complex and she was able to answer so that I understood. I remember running out to Hubby and letting him know what had happened.  I was so happy to know yet another fact of her life before us.

She has two other scars.  I have asked her about them. She doesn’t know how she got them. One is a burn on her back.  I wonder when I help lotion her:  Did she walk backwards into a stove? Was she burnt by a stick?  Was it on accident or was she hurt on purpose? How did she feel when it happened? Was she scared and lonely or did she have open arms to run into?  I will most likely never know unless she remembers and lets me know someday.

Her other scar is on her neck. It brings more questions as the location is odd and to be honest a bit scary.

If you are considering bringing an older child into your family, please realize that you may never know every story.  Some unknowns may haunt you, and they will haunt the traumatized child, but it is not a reason not to adopt. Just be aware.

 

 

Meg and Mita are in a play this week. Children’s Letters to God will be put on by our local children’s theatre.  This is Mita’s first play and Meg’s third. Meg loves it. Mita says she will not do another one, drags her feet for practices and moans a lot…but at practice she seems to adore it. Hmmn. It will be interesting to see how she does for the performances and if she will think all the hard work is worth it.

It is amazing how differently siblings handle things. Meg is in stealth mode. She eats, sleeps, goes to school and golf and then it’s all about the play. She loves it. Period.

Enu and Elle are not loving it so much. They hate running sissies back and forth to practice. All they do is mumble about how boring it is.  Yet I think they are going to love the actual show.  I know they will love it.

Tech week is basically very long, late practices every night before the show.  Last night the girls got home at 10pm.  We will see how they get up this morning. Tech week is fast food week, spend a ton in gas week and no time for anything week.  It is hard on the family no doubt.  Hubby says we are taking a break after this from the theatre.  I agree with him, but do so love to watch them stretch themselves, learn and have fun.

As a family with four kids we really try not to over-schedule our lives. We want the kids to have free time to play, read and just be kids.  Now that  Meg is in middle school, we are seeing an increase in activities that she wants to explore.  I encourage her to explore but not all at once!  Being in a performance such as the kids are in right now is a real stretch for us. One that we decided to go with this time around, but know that we cannot maintain this pace if our house is going to remain standing, with clean laundry, clean hamster cages and sane parents!

I will be ready for it to all be over, but I will treasure watching them on stage.

What activities does your family participate in that push the limits on family schedules, money and sanity?  Is it worth it or are you toning it down a bit?

 

(email me at fouragainsttwo @ gmail . com if you want info on tickets)

 

 

Art Credit

 

School is starting.  There are a lot of posts, articles and back to school advice flying around the blogosphere right now.  I wrote a little snippet myself the other day on not being ready for school just yet.

Then open house for Mita was last Monday.  Fifth grade.  Same school, same principle, same PE teacher, same art teacher…different classroom teachers.  Three different classroom teachers.  Three different teachers to say “Hi, I’m Mita’s mom.”  Then the double take.  Oh. I forgot. We don’t match.

I forget.  Mita and Enu can never forget for they are on the other end. They are the ones who stick out in every room they walk into.  I did that to them. I knowingly brought them home into a 99.99% white community.  I thought love would conquer all, that we would travel for diversity, move eventually to a more diverse community.  We could do all of those things and love like no other, but we will never match and they will always get the double take.

How do they handle it?  Like kids do.  A smirk to me or a covert rolling of the eyes, sometimes a glare (to me, not the teacher).  We talk about it.  They shrug it off, I know it still bothers them.

The double take is a reflex, it will always happen.  If you find yourself doing the double take with a multi-racial family, it’s okay. Just don’t stare and ask if they have any real children!  Please and thank  you!

 

 

This post will be 2G2B4G, I promise!

Yes, we have another topic to cover in order to parent our kids correctly.  Not only are we having to talk about sex, alcohol and drugs, but we must talk about sexting and texting while driving.  The check list just keeps getting longer. The good news is that we no longer have to talk to our kids about pulling out the ribbons on cassette tapes or wasting film by opening up the backs of camera.

Let’s look at some statistics shall we:

  •  45% of teens admit to texting and driving but only 4 percent of parents believe their teens have ever texted while driving. (LG Stats)
  • Drivers who type or read text messages contribute to at least 100,000 crashes each year, leading to thousands of preventable deaths. (FocusDriven.org)

Numbers don’t lie and we mustn’t lie to ourselves.   Our kids learn best by example. We have to make sure we are not texting while driving and using our cell phones carefully when we are behind the wheel.  We can tell them a million times not to text and drive, but if they see us do it: Our words don’t mean anything!

In San Diego , MomOutnumbered and I got to go to a fun cocktail party hosted by LG with spokesperson Jane Lynch.  On top of being a party with amazing food and drinks, we got the 411 (do kids still say that?) on texting and driving as well as what some of the letters that our kids use frequently mean.  4COL I learned a lot.  The LG site  is not only a great resource on texting and driving but it goes into sexting, bullying and also on how we as parents can use the texting technology to help us in our parenting. It is an easy site to navigate and is worth a few minutes to read I promise!

MomOutnumbered

On a personal note: Jane autographed a picture for Mita and read the letter Mita had written her and given to me to give to Jane. (Mita is in love with Jane, I don’t know why, I don’t let her watch Glee  (story lines are a bit racey for an eleven year old) but Mita is celebrity obsessed so…) Mita is head over heels happy and I thank Jane for being so kind, I almost WMPL I was so happy.

So, tell the truth. Do you still text and drive?  Have your kids called me on it?  Mita has insisted she saw me do it once, I don’t remember honestly, but never again!

2G2B4G = To good to be forgotten

4COL = For crying out loud

WMPL = Wet my pants laughing

 

(Disclosure:  I was not asked to write about LG or this event, but the subject matter is important for all of us and I was happy to share what I had learned. I did not receive any compensation for this post, but the party really did have great coconut shrimp!)

 

 

 

 

I waited sixteen years to drive a car. It seemed like the longest wait ever. Now I have been married for sixteen years and it seems to have sped by amazingly fast! Happy  Anniversary Hubby Dear.

Look at those young uns!

 
 
Sixteen years and counting!

 

 

The old saying is April Showers bring May flowers, but what the saying should be is April showers bring stacks of summer activity advertisements and registrations (translation: a ton of money out of my pocket.)

Basketball camps, Muggle camp, Best of Both Worlds camp, Pal and Me camp, Volleyball camp.  These are all registered for thus far.  I’m not even mentioning the activities that I have said no to (two Girl Scout camps Meg?) and the ones up in the air still.

Of course every summer brings Summer Reading at the Library,Vacation Bible School and our several family camping trips that are planned. Also our trip to Cedar Point (instead of King’s Island this year). Did I mention that I got awesome deals on Groupon this month for the Wild Animal Park and the Santa Maria Museum?

Add on a pool pass and I need to get a job.  But then I would need a babysitter and she would probably have to work around her summer camps.  It’s kinda like giving a mouse a cookie…it never ends!

What are your summer plans?

Photo Credit

 

Meg age 2. Bella age 3.

My first child is a Cocker-Spaniel mix. Hubby and I bought her off the streets of  Lima, Peru when we lived there. We were a young married couple who wanted to baby something, but weren’t ready for an actual baby. So we went looking for a kitten.

Neither Hubby nor I are big cat lovers, but we worked long days and wanted to have a pet that could be litter box trained.   At the pet street (a street filled with pet vendors) all of the kittens were sleeping. But Bella was just playing around and happy as can be.  We walked away, we didn’t want a dog.  We talked all afternoon about how cute she was, but we didn’t want a dog.  Soon Hubby went to go by the dog we loved but didn’t want. She had actually already been taken back to the owners home, but they brought her back to us and history was made.  At least the history of our family.  A funny factoid, we brought Bella home on October 10th 1998. Meg was born on October 10th 1999.  I didn’t realize this until months after Meg’s birth when I was reading my old journals!

So Bella, pronounce Bay-ya not Bell-a, was ours. A happy, yappy active little puppy. She peed everywhere, she ran down the halls yapping. She could fit in Hubby’s shoes.  I can remember the downstairs neighbor yelling at us for giving her a bath … she said she would die of a cold!

We loved her immensely, even after she chewed the phone cords.  We thought she would grow to be a big dog and bought her a large kennel. She never grew to our expectations.  When it came time to fly her home to Ohio she was this little dog in a huge cage. Very cute. I can remember landing in Houston and picking her up and trying to walk her on some paper in the airport so she could pee, not an easy feat.  I think she was to scared to urinate!  She never learned any commands and the joke is that she only speaks and understands Spanish.  Walking her on a leash is still impossible, some things she just never picked up.  She doesn’t play well with other dogs, but gets along with our cat okay.

Oh, the guilt I felt when we had her spayed. I was pregnant with Meg at the time and felt like I was a bad person to not let her experience having children. You could say I was a bit emotional!  After Meg came around poor Bella was ignored for about a year.  Then she spent years being petted roughly, sat on and poked and prodded by Elle as well. Mita and Enu hated her when they first came home. In Ethiopia dogs are for security not pets.

Eventually Bella  has turned from a play thing to our families precious doggy. She is cuddled and loved, dressed and pampered.  We love her dearly.

She will be 13 at the end of July. She cannot see very well, hear very well and she is losing her bladder control and barfing a lot.  I am very sentimental about my Bellita and am hoping she will be around for a lot longer.  The vet ran some lab tests today. She called it a Geriatric Panel.  How is that possible? It seems like only yesterday she was my little puppy.  Amazing.

Very cute :)

 

We starting watching the Back to the Future series with the girls.  Well the older two, the younger two didn’t make it through the opening credits.

We told them that we were ten when this movie came out.  Comments such as “They had flashlights, back then?” ” They had Diet Pepsi back then?” got old very quickly!  They really think we are ancient, but I guess I thought my parents were as well when I was eleven.  They also though the Delorian was a GMC.

It is fun to watch a movie I haven’t seen in decades.  I totally forgot how funny it was, how great the music was (Earth Angel is the best), the dances and dresses all fun to watch with the girls.  It was also a decent series to watch with the kids. We recorded it off the TV so it was edited for us and had a few minor cuss words and no sex, just a bit of kissing and a make out scene.  Wow. A movie with no sex in it. Amazing.  With the eleven year olds a make out scene produces giggling, but they giggle at everything anymore.

Hubby said if he had a time machine he would go back into time and live as a Native American. I said I wanted to be Laura from Little House. He then made a few remarks about me not being domestic enough to be a pioneer girl. Whatever. I could so be Laura.

What time would you go back to?

Photo Credit

 

Last Saturday I took Enu, Elle, my niece and my mom to a SweetHeart Tea. It was at our local Art museum.  We had a great time.  The museum has a massive Madame Alexander Doll collection, so the girls were asked to bring their dolls to tea with them.  There was a speaker giving the history of Madam Alexander. She was very informative and my mom and I enjoyed her talk.  The kids, however, came away with a really comical, slightly crazy history of Madam Alexander. On the way home I was asking the girl questions about the tea and the talk to try and make them actually learn somethings (yes, I am that mom!).  I gave up and am just happy that they had a good time!

The tea part of the SweetHeart Tea was a great time of learning manners and trying new things. Not every kid has had the opportunity to try a cucumber sandwich or hot tea for that matter.  We are a hot chocolate world it seems. The food was delicious and the manners taught re-affirmmed what I have tried to teach them.  I held my tongue  and did not say “See, I told you your napkin goes on your lap.”

My girls’ dolls were barely dressed (I told them they could not take naked dolls with them) but they were dressed!  Elle did her own hair (as usual). They were all clean though and there was only one meltdown in our getting ready to go.

A great day for all, especially since I got to tour the new museum displays and the kids had fun with art. Yeah!  One of the exhibits was named “Adam and Eve”.  This piece features two people make from sticks and  Adam’s penis was an actual  “woody”.  Out of the entire museum this was the most fascinating item it seems.  I think I am a pretty Matter-of-Fact mom, but I did gently move them away from this piece after awhile, as there is more to art than the birds and the bees.

To top off the day Enu won the raffle! She got a collectors Madame Alexander Doll.  It is an 8 inch doll from India, and let’s just say it is no longer in collector condition.  She was so happy that she won and her  response was, “I knew I was going to win.”

 

A very nice Valentine’s Day treat for me my mom and our “little girls” of the family!

 

We lost our Grampy on Saturday.  Hubby’s Dad, also known as Grampy or Baba  struggled with prostate cancer for several years and entered Hospice a few months ago.  It was a long process and hard for everyone to watch him go through the riggers of cancer treatment and then the stopping of the treatment.

Grampy designed metal buildings for a living and always had colored pencils and huge pieces of papers for the kids to draw on. He wasn’t much for leaving home and going places, but when the kids came to his house he was all about fishing, gardening, feeding the birds and pulling kids around on the tractor. He taught Meg how to use a Bow and a gun this past year and I think we have pictures of almost all the grand-kids getting their first fish with Grampy.

Every time he would open a gift he would go on and on about the box. If it was a piece of clothing he would put it one wrong to make the kids laugh and the grownups groan.  We will never have another Christmas without using one of his goofy gift quotes I’m sure!

He also loved teasing the girls until mercilessly like Grandpas seem to like to do. He would get them all riled up and then send them home :)

Thoughts and prayers for our family would be appreciated as we have lost a husband, father, grandfather and a friend. We will all miss him.

 

We always seem to want a reason.  We want things to make sense and not leave us wondering.  During a time when all the information you would ever need is a Google away, it seems that the answers to the big questions are farther away than ever.  Or maybe we are so spoiled with finding out things quickly that we cannot handle the big questions with no answers.

My cousin recently died at 49 years of age, leaving a wife, two daughters and many extended family members.  To young, to smart, to funny to die.  No reason, just cancer. A very rapid, fast growing cancer that gave him less time with us on Earth. No explanation can satisfy the whys of it all.

My mom was diagnosed with Dermomycytosis a few weeks ago. A debilitating, possible chronic disease that has her very weak and at times in a lot of pain. She can no longer work, but wishes she could. No reason for this diagnosis, it just happened.

My father-in-law is struggling with advanced prostate cancer and is in Hospice. The pain is horrible, the wasting away a misery. It is easy to become bitter.

One of my daughters was crying on the floor tonight yelling to God,”I’ll do anything, I want my mom back.”  How I can I explain something to a child that I am not even sure of myself?

Last week I was talking with another daughter and told her that in a perfect world we would never even know each-other, but the world isn’t perfect and since it isn’t  I’m so blessed to be able to be her mom.  What kind of conversation is that?

When things like death and illness happen our need for an explanation can change us. We can become hardened to life and deny all good. We can hate God and all the comfort He can bring. We can dive into finding an explanation of any kind, that can bring any comfort so much that we may lose who we are.

We all have different beliefs even if our faith is in the same vein.  I hate hearing things like “It was God’s plan.” “God needed him more than we did.” “We all have a reason to be on this Earth and his was done.”  I know that these words may bring comfort to some. I don’t want to belittle them. I, however, believe that God didn’t plan for Steve to die so young, my mom to become ill, my father in law to die painfully, two of my kids to lose a mother and a country.

Things happen in this life, in this world. God is here to comfort, support and love us. I do believe in miracles and have to be careful not to get to jaded to see them.  We will never know all of the whys in this world and we don’t have to.  If we forget the struggle to understand and make sense of things maybe we can go on and live our lives the best way we can.

This past weekend at a Christmas program they sang Peace On Earth by Casting Crowns.  It stick in my head and helps me with my none-understanding.  You can click on the song title above to listen.

 

It is no secret that I adore books.  When Meg was a newborn  I started my Christmas Book Collection and it grows every year with a vengeance!  I just cannot help myself.

The key part of my collection is that I only have the books out at Christmas time (Thanksgiving through New Years) so the books seem new again and it is exciting to see old forgotten favorites.  Every year I tend to add some great $1 deals from Scholastic (my favorite book place!) and I try and pick out one special hardback book as well.  This year I have not found the book yet, but to be honest, I haven’t been to a books store to browse just yet.

Last years special book was:  The Little Drummer Boy by Ezra Jack Keats The pictures are gorgeous and  I love the dark skin tones on the people. We tend to forget that people in the holy land aren’t Caucasian!

A few other favorites:

Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer by Robert L. May illustrated by David Wenzel  This particular edition has beautifully subtle illustrations and  I love it!

Clement Clark Moore and Jan Brett’s The Night Before Christmas is another fond one I read every year.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson is one that I read to myself almost every year. My kids have never gotten into it but I adore it and laugh every time!

I cannot list all my Christmas books, but I also read the Little House Christmas stories and American Girl Christmas themed books to the girls or just myself.   I  should try some big-girl Christmas books sometime, but to me Christmas time brings me in the mood for childhood books and favorites.

My Christmas books and Video/DVD’s are set out under the tree and on top of the TV in the den.  They get a bit messy I agree, but hey a book mess is a good mess!

Do you have any favorites Christmas books to suggest for my special book 2010?

(Disclosure: The photo and links above are from Amazon.com and are not affiliate links.)

 

#9 Hubby

Hubby and I

I cannot express my love and thanks for Hubby in a blog post. The words are impossible to conjure up in my head.

Three years of dating. Fifteen years of marriage. Four kids. Peru. Four states. Thirteen-ish moves.  All together. My partner in life at all times whether they are stress-full, boring, exciting or magical.

Hubby is handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, patient, kind, funny and loyal.  He is a great father who loves his girls immensely.

He is also a bad dancer, likes talk radio over music (I think a little goes a long way) and doesn’t get the whole Twitter thing.  No one is perfect ;)

 

Grandma Williams and me.

My Grandma Williams was an amazing woman.  Born in 1911, she was the oldest of many children and lived in a rural area. She attended school in an old brick building that is still standing and serves as the Townships garage.  I hear she was at the top of her class and was great at Latin.

Of course that is all stuff I learned after she died.  As a child all I knew was she was the grandma with cookies on the counter, Popsicles  in the freezer and homemade bread raising on the counter-top.  I would pinch some dough from her bread when I thought she was not looking!  She once told my mother that I could live on flour and eggs.

Grandma was a depression grandma. Not the Prozac kind, but the era when nothing was wasted and everything was used multiple ways. This philosophy also made her color-blind apparently as her color choices were not always matching and her fondness of bright pink was obvious!  She made my mom cloth diapers out of old clothes, made my brother and I some hideous looking pajamas (they worked well as  pajamas, but they were made from some really ugly material).

The only time I can remember being mad at Grandma was when she made me tie a piece of  yarn to my favorite cowboy boots to help me remember which foot was my right foot.   I loved those colorful red boots and the orange-red yarn made them so ugly.

With her having seven children and thirteen grand-kids, time alone with grandma was to be treasured.  I loved spending the night with her and sleeping in her big bed.  Of course that was also were I learned breasts can actually touch your knee caps and now I know that this is genetic.  I also marvel at the wonders of God that can make me the exact duplicate of my mother, yet make my profile look so much like my paternal grandma.

Grandma nursed her babies, just like me.  Was she an on-demand feeder or a scheduler?  I have a feeling that she was an on-demand feeder like myself.  She had a soft spot for babies that was evident and I am a Lactation Consultant (hopefully, test still pending!).  She was an adoptive mom to one of her kids through a kinship adoption. What would she have thought of my Ethiopian adoption?  I hope we are alike in even more ways, I am pretty sure I am.

I canned for the first time this year.  I made homemade bread from scratch and ate some dough as it raised.  I reduce, reuse and recycle.  Those mean different things today then a hundred years ago, but it brings me closer to grandma.  I adore hearing about how cheap she was and how she liked a sale.  These things make me think about her more and feel closer to her.

I miss my grandma. It is cruel how our beloved grandparents are often gone before we can know them on an adult level.  Life is like that though and I must learn what I can from stories and pictures and continue the traditions she started in me.

I would love to have those pajamas still. I would make my girls wear them and laugh at the complaints of their ugliness!

Here is my brother in the pajamas I spoke off...sorry dude, I cannot find one of me in them!

 Now that I look at them again, maybe they are kinda cool looking!

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