I’m Okay With No More Babies?! When Did That Happen?

I love babies. I love all babies and except for one of my nephews, almost every baby I have ever held seemed to love me back. My nephew has come around I must say!

I adored the entire pregnancy process (I can say that now that I don’t remember the nausea well and the fact that  the every three minute trips to the bathroom now seems cute), and the newborn time is my favorite time. I feel in control, I know what I am to do. Just hold the baby and feed constantly!  Now I will state that I was extremely exhausted during this time, but it also seemed quite magical.  I can remember just looking at my nursing baby with the biggest heart a mother could have.

So with all of this experience and love of the newborn period (Also the fact that I worked on a L&D floor and helped breastfeeding moms) you would think that when Hubby and I decided to adopt that we would adopt a newborn.  For those of you who don’t know me I must put in a side note here that Hubby and I don’t do anything expected.  For various reasons we decided to adopt older children. We now have a family of four girls with the youngest being five and a half and entering Kindergarten in August.

For a while after the adoption, I still wanted a baby.  Badly.  I kept saying I wish we could have an “oops” adoption and adopt a baby! I yearned for a child who I could hold and ease all of their hurts easily.  I also wanted to breastfeed again. I talked with a few other moms who have children grown or nearly grown and have come to the conclusion that I would always want a baby. This is how I am wired. So for the last year or so I have come to terms with the fact that I will have to wait for grand-babies (many, many,  many years from now please girls) and I was okay with this.

Then the other day I was at our local pool.  The three older girls were swimming and socializing and my youngest was hanging right with them. She didn’t need me to be within a few feet of her at all times. She didn’t get mad when her face got splashed. She was pretty independant and I only followed her to the bathroom to supervise.  A while ago this would have gotten me down, but  I unexpectedly really like this new aspect of my life.

I got to read a book. I got to lay in the sun. I got to sip water and eat tortilla chips without having kids drip all over me.  I kinda liked this new independent mommy.

So while I will always savor holding a baby, I have realized that being baby-free does have it’s rewards.  Who would have thought I would have ever said those words?